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Answering Dukes Question, also a good read for a study in dysfunctional families

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Captain Japonica View Drop Down
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    Posted: March 21 2004 at 7:01am
Duke:

Would you do me a favor, Captain Japonica, and tell me more about your relationship with your mother? A mother taking her kids to the store and just making them color their hair, that's WEIRD. Do you have the faintest explanation for this? Is your mother a liberal or conservative type? Does she have a history of demanding strange things from her kids, ordering them around?

CJ:

Well, my mom is actually an artist. She is a shut-in who is VERY anti-social and free-thinking. When I was a child, I wasn't allowed to go anywhere except church and school or to have any friends at the house.

Once, I came home from school and she had my DAD backed into a wall and was wagging a finger in his face and was yelling, rather irritatedly,"As soon as you retire, I want to move to a little place in the country, BECAUSE I DONT WANT ANY PEOPLE AROUND ME!"


When I was about 8, my grandma, being a die-hard individualist and environmental protester, encouradged me do do what I wanted and to sneak out when mom was occupied, which I started doing. When I was 14, she found out about it and hit the roof. We had a heated argument and I just got angrier and angrier until...

CRUNCH!

I stood there for a few seconds before I realized I had DECKED MY MOM. when I came out of my daze I realize she was on the couch holding a kleenex on her bloody nose.
Suddenly, I wasn't afraid of my mom anymore. In the coming weeks I realized that she was VERY screwed up and most of what she wanted for me was objectively wrong, and I no longer had ANY problem telling her what I thought. I started doing what I thought was right for me and whenever she objected I would basically tell her "Screw you I still rule". Now, I wont let it go unsaid that being 14 ALOT OF THOSE CHOICES WERE WRONG, so I screwed up alot and learned lifes lessons at the school of hard knocks pretty early.

We never spoke of that incident again, she told my dad she hit her nose on one of her wooden frames for her canvases.

I was homeschooled at the time, and my mom put me back in public school that year. Heh.

That was a really eventful year. I was very sheltered up to that point. So I had to learn how to function in a society, how to get used to a strict schedual and all that. I was busy making friends, finding my talents, and, sadly, making mistakes with drugs, alchohol, and sex. My Dad, sister, and brother just labeled my behaviors, both good and bad,as "rebellion", "Delinquency", "Immaturity", "boorishness" and this is my favorite, "Mental illness". They even made me go to a shrink at one point, who actually though I was developing normally! (Though he DID tell my Dad my upbringing and environment was dysfunctional)

My mom, unable to see reason(as I told her) could not accept that she was WRONG and announced that"PSYCHOLOGISTS TODAY ARE POLLUTED WITH ANTI-FAMILY IDEAS AND THEY WANT TO DESTROY THE NATURAL RESPECT BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN!!"

I responded: Mom, you're the one who needs the help.

That year, I came out of the closet despite her loudly voiced opinion that Homosexuality is a learned behavior, is unnatural, and all that F*cktardedness. Well, she wasn't happy about that, particularly because I told her "I'm gay, live with it." We were in the car at the time, and she freaked out. She took turns really sharp and fast, she ran stop signs and switched lanes like crazy. The whole time she was shouting about how ungrateful I was, how evil, how crass, how sinful, how I was trying to destroy her family and her christian beleifs. I wont deny I was close to pissing my pants the whole time. But, her anger finally abated and she dropped me off at school an hour late from her little hissy-fit. Right before I got out, I told her "So you had control of the car, big f*ucking deal! you can't scare ME into being what you want me to be, b*tch!". Then I bolted for class. When I got home, she ranted on and on about how:

"Your brother and your sister LOVE and RESPECT me, and would NEVER dare to speak to ME that way like I'm some ****** on the street! I'm your mother and I deserve some loyalty and respect for what I've done for you!"

I said: Oh yeah, you did alot for me WITH DADS MONEY. You have Chris and Melissa f*cking brainwashed, THATS why THEY arent telling you how full of **** you are."

She tried to ground me, but as soon as she said "Go to your room", I walked into the kitchen and yelled"LOOK WHAT I'M DOING!!!"

Those were the magic words. At that moment she realized she could have no control over me. Only she tried to save some face by telling everyone at dinner that she "Had given up on this boy who will never ammount to anything, but will do my christian moral obligation and see to it that his education and other needs ore provided for"

I naturally thought that was a crock of B.S., but kept my mouth shut THAT time.

During this whole thing, my dad tuned out the conflict. He ignored it. My dad is an ok guy, but he really hates confrontation and wont acknowlegde that the love of his life IS INSANE. My grandma has since deteriorated from alzheimers, my brother is a depressed lump, I'm actually making something of myself but my sister is weak, dependant on my mom, and is also controlled by her. For a while I kept telling them both that they were screwed up and needed help, but my mom ignored me and my sister said that I'm "polluted to the core". So, at that moment I gave up. So here I am!

So, about the hair thing:

After the skirmish with the Clairol Natural instincts in Egyptian Plum, she realized that it was only a semi-perm color and my hair was back to normal after about 5 weeks. I said I didnt want to color my hair agian. She didn't say anything at the time, but the next day I was reading at the table and suddenly felt something cold and wet on my head, and soon realized she was dying my hair RED. I mean bright, fire-engine red. Of course, I didnt know what else to do at the time so I just let her finish for fear of having a big, red chunk in my hair. This continued until I was 14 and, without asking, dyed my hair black, which she hated. I also cut it short when I was 15, shich seriously pissed off everybody at home. See, before that she made both my sister and I wear very ong hair, mine was about mid-back length, wavy, and red. So much for that. I also started wearing pubk/goth type clothes which I actually made alot of it myself(Thanks for the sewing lessons, Granny!) My dad though it looked cool, but god was my mom angry! See, she also kept me inside alot to maintain my "georgeous pale skin", so when she wasnt around I would sunbathe on the roof and got a nice, dark tan. The sunlight was good for me, considering the serious vitamin D deficiancy I had. I've mellowed out and matured alot, but I STILL wont let anyone order me around.
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duke View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote duke Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 21 2004 at 11:22am
Very weird. Thanks for answering.
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Captain Japonica View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Captain Japonica Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 22 2004 at 12:51am
I'm guessing that was probably more than you wanted to know. Sorry, I know I'm crass...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kintaro Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 22 2004 at 2:30am
CJ : I feel you. I had a stepmom who was a psychotic xian too. Something about being directly tuned in to God(reg.TM) gives them "authority", like God handed them a whip to use on 2nd-level minions.


But hey, despite the suffering you turned out okay :P
I hate all of the following and lots more : Fundamentalists, racists, sexists, fascists, ageists (people saying seniors = senile , kids = stupid , 18 = immature or a combo of them), and bigots for causes yet to receive their own designation.
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Brent E from San Francisco View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Brent E from San Francisco Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 22 2004 at 11:23am
I'm glad my parents were "agnostic Christians",... in other words, they weren't overserious about their religion. I try and be the same with my kids. Who needs religious fanatics of any sort.
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Captain Japonica View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Captain Japonica Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 22 2004 at 6:00pm
Well, none of my other family members or my extended family was like that, so it's not as if I would have NEVER rebelled.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote miss brenda Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 23 2004 at 3:37am
How are things with you now? Has your family accepted your lesbianism?
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Captain Japonica View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Captain Japonica Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 23 2004 at 5:31pm
I'm a boy, and only my brother and dad have accepted me being gay. My mom and sister hate it, but mom just doesn't say anything because she knows I know where she sleeps.
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