Help -what color and how?

What a great board!  I wish I knew about it a long time ago!!

I have fine thin straight just above shoulder length hair.  A year ago I used Loreal color expert level 8 on my professionally higlighted and lowlighted hair.  Needless to say my hair came out bright orange and real damaged.  I did nothing to it for about 4 months.  I started growing white/grey hairs at my forehead and wee  bit at the temples.  I found at the clairol Q&A that if i used a demi half 6n and half 6a it would tone down orange.  I tried it on my bangs and on the grey parts.  I used it for touchups only in those places when needed and let the rest grow out.   My natural haircolor looks like a chestnut in some light and a level 6 in others.  It looks rather ashy but really pulls red when lifted. When touching up the bangs with the demi 6n , i painted a few of the sides to blend in the remaining highlighted blonde from last year.  It looks very ashy  and I just want to make it one color.  I still have quite a bit of blond left in the back even though I have been growing it out for a year.

I thought the wella perm 6w praline would be a pretty color.  I tried it just on the grey part and a little on the bangs.  I left on full amount of time.  Did nothing on the grey hair and seem to leave a dark orange hue.  (i seem to do better with clairol).

I like the dark golden blondes.  I don't want red b/c my complexion is light but very ruddy.    Can anyone suggest what color i should try? I really want to have one color all over.

I don't have the money for a professional.  Besides when I used to pay $175 for highlights, they were never the color I likes.  They either were a light strawberry blond or a beigy blonde which was too light for my coloring.