color stripping that doesnt fry hair??

There is another alternative, called ColorFix.  I didn't suggest it to you before because it doesn't always work (depends on what dye you used - I forget which ones, I'm not a pro, just a do-it-yourselfer).  It also doesn't always work on black either. 

Why don't you try washing your hair with these things?  Thay can remove some color sometimes, and it may get it to fade enough that you like it maybe?  Try mixing baking soda half and half with your shampoo and washing with that.  Try also washing repeatedly with dishwashing liquid.  These things have helped people fade their color in the past.  They will dry the heck out of your hair, so after you use them you should condition really well with a heavy conditioner.  You may even want to put mayonnaise on your hair for an hour afterwards (fatty mayo not low fat, and not miracle whip either), then shampoo it out and condition heavily...that will help put some moisture back in your hair because the baking soda and dish liquid will strip all of the moisture out.

I'm no genius!  But thanks anyway, and let us know how it goes with your hair (both of you)!