Uncontrollable Hair

Hi. I have very thick, course, wavy, unctrollable hair that I liken to a mop or a bird's next (depending on the day).  I'm 33yrs old and I've combed my hair pretty much the same way since 15yrs old. It seems my hair has been trained to lie from right to left and no other way. The various nuances in the waves, curls, and bends have to be in perfect balance for my hair to look somewhat acceptable.  Sometimes when I get my hair cut it can throw the bird's nest out of whack. Other times it's a cut that works. It's a roll of the dice.  Any tips on shampoos or gels to use? If I shampoo every day it poofs out and looks rather ridiculous and if I shampoo every 3 days or so it gets matted down and looks terrible.  All i've been able to figure out is to use super duper ultra hold gels, not to shampoo every day, and to get it cut short and often. Then again the gels don't really solve the problem of waves/bends.  Any other suggestions? I've considered getting it 'straightened' but am a bit frightful of the idea.