japanese straightened ugly ugly hair please help

I don't even know how I got into this mess. I've been doing the japanese straightening method for about 6 or 7 years now. It's looked good maybe 2 or 3 times so I've gone from stylist to stylist trying to find the right one that will not burn a hole through my wallet. I stupidly highlighted over my straightened hair a couple years ago which of course damaged it--so I started just getting my hair professionally dyed a normal brown shade maybe a tad lighter than my normal dark brown shade. Two years after my highlights my hair feels unbelievably coarse. I am sooooo embarassed around guys--whenever they touch my hair I cringe and scream inside. I am tempted to cut it all off but then I think wow..I spent hundreds of dollars on the Istraightening system just to cut my hair off???? The last lady who dyed my hair told me it's so dry nothing will help it I just have to make it look nice so she recommended flat ironing my hair (not the roots which is the only semi-decent part of my hair)..well that was a big mistake. I will never get it to look the way it does in a salon so I was only kidding myself. Is it even possible for me to dye my hair one or two shades lighter and get japanese straightening done? And if so which system do you use? So far Yuko and Istraight have sucked on me. What about liscio? Please help I feel hopeless at this point