Please help! Strip old permenant dark color

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   My hair is probably 85% grey now.  I have been having my hair professionally colored ( 4 ) dark for years. I would go to my hairstylist every 6 wks. However, my hair grows so fast, I have to color my roots (  myself ) every 2 weeks.  Anyway, over the last 2years, I find that my friends and family insist that the dark color just isn't working for me anymore.  I tend to agree. 
When I talked to my hairdresser about going lighter, she insisted that I don't have the skin coloring for light hair. I have always wanted to be blonde. My mother is a natural blonde and I have always been jealous of her for it.  I am a light olive skin tone. I  tan easily and through the highest of sunscreens.  My eyebrows are black, but not heavy, and my eyes are a hazel green.

My hairdresser finally gave in and said the most she would do is a medium brown/ violet red.  Ok, we went for it a few months ago. She used a product to strip my old permenant color from my hair, it only lightened a shade or two. She put the toner on after the stripping agent was washed out, and it redarkened my hair.  Needless to say after using the new color combo, my hair appeared darker than when we started.

Apparently, whatever she used to strip out the color didn't work. Or, it wasn't done correctly.

Help!! What stripping  product will actually work? I have no problem doing it myself and then going to a colorist to help me find a blondish color that will work for me. I am also open to suggestions about the tones that I should try.