QuoteReplyTopic: Coworkers Hair Play Posted: January 11 2000 at 10:00pm
I am 26 and work in a small privately owned bookstore. Only work people work here, the owner, myself, and another guy (Frank) who is in his 20's. The owner (Mrs. T) is a lady in her early 40's with very long hair. The thing that bothers me is Mrs T lets Frank play with her hair when there are no customers in the store. When it is down he brushes it. I am often stocking shelves or dusting but I watch them. Today Mrs T had her long hair pulled up with a scrungie and pulled through so it made a large bun. Frank kept putting his face against her bun and telling Mrs T how good it smelled. She actually let him continually sniff her hair. I know he is turned on. This bothers me. I told Mrs T something about it and she said it was innocent and harmless. She said she likes the compliments. What should I do?
> I am 26 and work in a small privately owned bookstore.> Only work people work here, the owner, myself, and> another guy (Frank) who is in his 20's. The owner> (Mrs. T) is a lady in her early 40's with very long> hair. The thing that bothers me is Mrs T lets Frank> play with her hair when there are no customers in the> store. When it is down he brushes it. I am often> stocking shelves or dusting but I watch them. Today> Mrs T had her long hair pulled up with a scrungie and> pulled through so it made a large bun. Frank kept> putting his face against her bun and telling Mrs T how> good it smelled. She actually let him continually> sniff her hair. I know he is turned on. This bothers> me. I told Mrs T something about it and she said it> was innocent and harmless. She said she likes the> compliments. What should I do?-------Interesting situation! It sounds to me that both are turned on by the situation. While it may seem "weird" to you and many others, it is not uncommon for attraction to take place between people of very different ages and for different reasons (in this case it sounds like both have hair fetishes). Is Mrs. T married? Could there be more than just the hair that might be brewing? Are you disgusted in what you see? (don't think it proper, can't understand,jealous...) Whatever the reason, I think you are in a tight spot - she is the owner! I'm a chicken type and would worry about losing my job if I made too many waves - but that is me. What is your relation with the guy? Could he be approached about the problem? Sorry, don't really have any great advice but keep us informed.
Amy,You want the good news or the bad news? ;)Technically, what you're dealing with could meet the definition of third-party sexual harassment. Frank's amorous attentions are making you uncomfortable, even though they're not plainly sexual. (Employees have made similar charges involving backrubs and massages.)But you're probably not prepared to make a legal case out of it. How much do you like your job? If you try to explain that it makes you uneasy, the other two will indignantly insist that it's innocent, even if it's not. You probably just have to deal with it. (But they are both being very unprofessional, in my opinion.)Good luck,Ally
There is a problem. My employer has rules of conduct that go as far as specifiying just how frequently anyone can even compliment another about the same issue. Thus, I am limited to twice a year remarks to the same person about any feature, such as lovely hair. I use my quota, but I spread it around carefully. This, however, is physical contact and that would not be tolerated in any large firm. If there is an attraction, it should be enjoyed privately, off premises.Also, some of the best enjoyment of anything is in the mind.
If I was looking over at a co-worker's face stuffed in the owner's hair, I'd be a little perplexed. It must turn you on, and you must wish he was you. So since you're not, what do you do. If these two are this comfortable at work, there's likely a lot going on that you don't know about, and brushing her hair again at the store is a continuation of what's likely been going on after hours. So what do you do? Take their picture? No? Forget about it. If you were the face planter, would you want someone ruining up a good thing? If your boss turns you on, bury your face in there some day. If you don't have the drive or desire to do that then find yourself a waist-length flaxen maiden who's not your boss and show her your best. Peace.Related Link:A Study of Women in Rollers
My Dear Amy...Ah yes, a very sticky situation here... Where I come from it is certainly called sexual harassment no matter what the other two say. Sure it makes you feel uncomfortable and it is surely a non professional group you are working with.1. Do you really need to work in this store and are there other stores in your town/city that you can gain employment?2. Get them to pose for you and take a photo for prosperity! pics never lie!!3. I believe that what they are doing should be done in some sort of privacy as it can usually lead to further expectations on both parties.I myself think the guy is a very luck man to have a situation where he can grace a womans crown of glory.But be Discreet...
> I am 26 and work in a small privately owned bookstore.> The thing that bothers me is Mrs T lets Frank> play with her hair when there are no customers in the> store.> She actually let him continually> sniff her hair. I know he is turned on. This bothers> me.First, why does it "bother you"? Nodoby is forcing you to watch, it is Mrs. T's store, and you are not being directly harassed in any way, so what is your big problem?> She said she likes the> compliments. What should I do?Look the other way, or find another job.Z.
> There is a problem.That is your opinion, I don't share that opinion.> My employer has rules of conductThis is not about your employer's rules of conduct...> that go as far as specifiying just how frequently> anyone can even compliment another about the same> issue.A good reason not to work for uptight companies!> This, however, is physical contact and that> would not be tolerated in any large firm.A good reason to not work for "any large firm".Z.
I want to thank everyone for their comments. I must admit I did not like every response but it let me look at the situation in a different way. I went to work with a different attitude and tried to stand back and look at the situation. Here is the honest truth. I am attracted to Ms. T and a little jealous. It is very confusing to me but I will try to work through this.
Good for your new perspective Amy. You gave a logicalreason as to why Frank's and Mrs. T's hair-centeredintimacy bothers you. I understand.You note that Mrs. T. is in her 40's. She was a child andteenager when females and males had longer hair, and hair was a much bigger deal for sensuality than it appears now. Today we're centered (except for this board) on *business* and making it big there financially and otherwise. People can acquire an anti-long-hair attitude quite easily in thecurrent economic environment, particularly where sensualmatters are concerned.Brian*********************************> I want to thank everyone for their comments...Here is the honest truth. I am> attracted to Ms. T and a little jealous.
> I am 26 and work in a small privately owned bookstore.> Only work people work here, the owner, myself, and> another guy (Frank) who is in his 20's. The owner> (Mrs. T) is a lady in her early 40's with very long> hair. The thing that bothers me is Mrs T lets Frank> play with her hair when there are no customers in the> store. When it is down he brushes it. I am often> stocking shelves or dusting but I watch them. Today> Mrs T had her long hair pulled up with a scrungie and> pulled through so it made a large bun. Frank kept> putting his face against her bun and telling Mrs T how> good it smelled. She actually let him continually> sniff her hair. I know he is turned on. This bothers> me. I told Mrs T something about it and she said it> was innocent and harmless. She said she likes the> compliments. What should I do?I am a lawyer and I practice employmnent law. You don't have a sexual harassment case, just innocent play. This isn't even directed at you. You've suffered no legally cognizable detriment. A hostile work environment requires severe and pervasive conduct. This doesn't come close. In my personal opinion, a woman is entitled to have anyone of her choosing brush, touch, or even sniff, her hair.DAVID, Esquire
>Well it is certainly not professional. It is a work environment not a fantasy club.I certainly can understand how you feel about the whole thing and being it is the owner you can't do anything about it except to find another job.
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