QuoteReplyTopic: Crossing the line Posted: January 11 2000 at 10:02pm
There is a co-worker of mine who has for the past year or so grown her hair out from a very short hairstyle, the type where the ears are exposed and the top is longer, to a almost shoulder length style. I just got a haircut and she was mentioning how nice mine looked, when she mentioned to me that she was thinking of getting hers cut. I then told her I really liked her hair when it was real short, I think I stepped over the line when I said "it was her best look". She did not say anything, she just smiled and I go back and forth..Did I step over the line.
> There is a co-worker of mine who has for the past year> or so grown her hair out from a very short hairstyle,> the type where the ears are exposed and the top is> longer, to a almost shoulder length style. I just got> a haircut and she was mentioning how nice mine looked,> when she mentioned to me that she was thinking of> getting hers cut. I then told her I really liked her> hair when it was real short, I think I stepped over> the line when I said "it was her best look".> She did not say anything, she just smiled and I go> back and forth..Did I step over the line.-------Stepped over the line? - I don't think so. You might of hurt her feelings a little bit. She might of been "fishing" for a compliment - that she really doesn't want to cut her hair, she just wanted somebody to say how good her hair looked now. I wouldn't worry about it - time will heal any wounds. You could give her a compliment the next time she does something different with her hair (curls it, wears it up...)be careful not to make it too much of a fake compliment.
Generally, in this sexual harassment lawsuit-charged professional atmosphere that is called "work," it's not a great idea for a man to say anything about personal appearance to a woman. However, she was the one who mentioned hair first, so I don't see a problem. Also, you were merely offering your opinion. Since she had it short once and is thinking of going that route again, why do you think you may have stepped over the line? However, I wouldn't mention it again unless she broaches the subject in conversation. Based on what you've said, I don't see a problem anywhere.Jena
>She might of been> "fishing" for a compliment - that she really> doesn't want to cut her hair, she just wanted somebody> to say how good her hair looked now.I think that's an absolutely rotten thing women do to men. And it usually backfires!Jena
> There is a co-worker of mine who has for the past year> or so grown her hair out from a very short hairstyle,> the type where the ears are exposed and the top is> longer, to a almost shoulder length style. I just got> a haircut and she was mentioning how nice mine looked,> when she mentioned to me that she was thinking of> getting hers cut. I then told her I really liked her> hair when it was real short, I think I stepped over> the line when I said "it was her best look".> She did not say anything, she just smiled and I go> back and forth..Did I step over the line.Hi JJ,Based on your description of the events, I don't think you "stepped over the line." She initiated the conversation, and she told you what she was thinking of doing, before you commented -- after which she smiled. I see no need for you to feel concern about what happened.Dave
> There is a co-worker of mine who has for the past year> or so grown her hair out from a very short hairstyle,> the type where the ears are exposed and the top is> longer, to a almost shoulder length style. I just got> a haircut and she was mentioning how nice mine looked,> when she mentioned to me that she was thinking of> getting hers cut. I then told her I really liked her> hair when it was real short, I think I stepped over> the line when I said "it was her best look".> She did not say anything, she just smiled and I go> back and forth..Did I step over the line.JJ,I don't believe you crossed the line. Your co-worker was looking for validation. She possibly wanted you to validate that she made the correct decision to grow her hair out. If she has been truly thinking about a haircut, then maybe you made the right decision in being honest. The bottom line is that she valued your opinion enough to ask you for your opinion. You should not be concerned because you gave her an honest opinion. However, in this era of sexual harassment, we must be very careful of giving our opinion unless directly asked, especially for women who are our subordinates. I believe you were OK in this instance.
Mark
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> You are not crossing any line. You are entitled toexpress your opionion,about whatever hairstyle youthink another person would look good in.The other personcan accept or reject your ideas,but you really never crossthe line.
> I am more interested in finding out why you feel you step over the line?Back to your co-worker. She was sharing that she was thinking of cutting her hair and you shared with her which style you prefered.I think she smiled because she realized that you noticed her style so she took it as a compliment. I would bet that she was flattered that you noticed that detail.A person can have many diffirent styles and all look fine but they can also have one that really flattered them the most and I am sure that she took it that way that you mentioned which style that flattered her the most in life.That was extremely nice on your part to take notice of such things and personally I would have been very flattered by a co-worker if they did the same to me.
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> I think I stepped over> the line when I said "it was her best look".> She did not say anything, she just smiled and I go> back and forth..Did I step over the line.In my opinion, you did not step over the line. If you are just giving your opinion in the course of normal conversation, you are not stepping over the line. However, if you tell her "...cut your hair real short, it would look great", and this woman didn't ask for your opinion, then you are crossing the line.
> There is a co-worker of mine who has for the past year> or so grown her hair out from a very short hairstyle,> the type where the ears are exposed and the top is> longer, to a almost shoulder length style. I just got> a haircut and she was mentioning how nice mine looked,> when she mentioned to me that she was thinking of> getting hers cut. I then told her I really liked her> hair when it was real short, I think I stepped over> the line when I said "it was her best look".> She did not say anything, she just smiled and I go> back and forth..Did I step over the line.Yes. In my opinion, women who are trying to grow their hair out should be rewarded and reinforced for the beauty they are attempting to bestow upon the world.DAVID, Esquire
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