Live and let live
Printed From: HairBoutique.com
Category: Long Hair Happenings
Forum Name: Long Hair Support
Forum Description: Growing it long takes commitment and support.
URL: https://talk.hairboutique.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=1107
Printed Date: June 02 2024 at 9:56am
Topic: Live and let live
Posted By: deltagirl12345
Subject: Live and let live
Date Posted: October 25 2004 at 11:45am
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Hi All: I totally understand why so many other women like having short hair. In many cases its easy and fast to manage. I think that's great for you gal's... However, its not for all of us. Many of us love having our hair long. Why is it that so many women with short hair are always trying to convert us girls with long hair to "Cut it Short". ? Why not enjoy your hair short, and let us enjoy of hair long. It just seems a week does not go by that some one I talk to tries to talk me into cutting my hair. Live and let live.... What do you think ? Am I the only one who runs into this, from other women ? Susan. ------------- Susan |
Replies:
Posted By: harvestmoon
Date Posted: October 25 2004 at 12:22pm
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Well, I don't hear that because I just started letting mine grow, but my poor mom does. Her hair is between her bra strap and lower back and the women she works with are always trying to get her to cut it. It is very healthy and pretty. I told her just to let it go in one ear and out the other. They tell her she is too old for long hair (she will be 60 next week) but she doesn't look her age. I tell her that age does not matter. Anyway, I think people should let others live and let live too. ------------- |
Posted By: korsakovhatt3
Date Posted: October 25 2004 at 9:01pm
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I don't understand it. I'm not in the habit of telling other people what they should do with THEIR hair. I don't know why they feel comfortable telling me I should cut mine. I'm impervious to it, though. I love my long hair. And, on a rather superficial note, most men love it too. A lot of hair stylists are guilty of being anti-long hair. I guess I understand -- I suppose they just see us as lost business. I have a friend who decided to start growing her hair long. She's an intelligent, professional woman, but she actually believed that she would need to get it trimmed every 4 weeks. Her stylist told her that this would make her hair grow faster. (As if cutting the ends would have some magical effect on the hair follicles.) The only thing that would have been growing is the stylist's bank account. My friend was nearly convinced to pay this woman $50 a month to cut off all of her new growth. My mother is 61 and still has long hair. She's always worn her hair long and doesn't see any reason to cut it now. It really suits her and my father loves it. Women where I live seem to think that as soon as they reach a certain age they have to head for the salon and get the "Irish Mammy" 'do -- short, tightly permed grey hair. It instantly ages them about 10 years and they all look the same, in my opinion. I am Irish and I plan to have children, but I will never be an "Irish Mammy".  ------------- My user name is WAY too long. Just call me Juliana. :-) |
Posted By: deltagirl12345
Date Posted: October 26 2004 at 6:55am
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Hi Juliana: I totally agree. Many hair stylist's all push the short hair. When the stylist finally accepts the fact that a woman is going to let her hair grow out. Many then go to a new idea. They tell us that we must have the ends trimed every month or they will split, or grow uneven. Many play upon most women not knowing much about hair. Many stylist's just want our money. I mean no disrespect to any stylist's reading this. However the truth is. Many just want our money. I have never meet a woman yet who was told by a stylist to keep her hair long. Because the long hair looks great on her. Everyone one I know has always been told by there stylist to "CUT" there hair short. I have even been told this by stylist's that had long hair themselves. I found that little tib-bit very intresting. Susan ------------- Susan |
Posted By: Suers
Date Posted: October 26 2004 at 8:15am
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People who tell me that I should cut my hair: too many Some women are just plain jealous. Many men are attracted to long hair. Men love hair that is warm, touchable and blowing in the wind. Other women think just about the latest styles only. I often get them telling me how I should dress too. I don't care what is in or out really. I think long hair is classic. I really don't care if people don't like my socks with my sandals either. Often employers think someone with long hair is vain and will always be running to the bathroom to brush their hair. Their hair will get in the way of their work etc. (I use hair nets or put my hair up if it is interfering with my work) Or they will always be late because of all the time their hair takes in the morning. (actually I spend less time on my hair than most and have very few "bad hair" days) Some say that long hair is just an extravagent waste of time and money. All that time shampooing, drying and styling. "You must use bottles and bottles of shampoo and conditioner". The reality is that I don't wash my hair everyday. Little miss muffin head wakes up with flat hair and has to spend 1 hr each morning washing, wetting, drying, gelling, fluffing and spraying her short hair. I just comb, brush and quickly bun or braid. I am just less frustrated with my long hair. I don't use up an entire small country's treasury on shampoo, conditioners and styling products either. I buy salon quality products in large bottles. I have even started dating my products. I started using a bottle of conditioner in April and it is 2/3 used up. I paid $20 for it on sale. Now that is value. Yes, stylist are interested in how our hair looks. Mostly they like to cut long hair because it is damaged. Their customer's hair is a walking advertisement for their services. I don't mind if they charge me extra for cutting my long hair. In the long run I am saving anyway because I only cut my hair once or twice a year at $50 a cut. Otherwise I would be getting that short "do" cut every two months at $35 a pop. Maybe we would think that we would prefer to go to a stylist who specialized in long hair. Then we could get expert advice about growing and caring for it. There used to be one in town. She did charge alot. I never did go to her salon because she sounded so snobby on the phone. She went out of business. Her customers' hair really was a walking advertisement. I guess it was her attitude and maybe the economy that killed her business. Stylist cannot just specialize in colouring or one particular style or service. They have to offer a wide range of services. When their customers want to change their style and they are in flexible then they will lose that customer. I just take a suggestion to cut my hair in a different style (shorter) to be just a suggestion. I know the service is there if I want it. I particularly dislike when people suggest that long hair on a man is "unnatural". There has always been traditional long hair styles for both men and women. In fact, just two hundred years ago, both sexes wore long hair styles. Men parted on the side and women in the middle. Boys also wore dresses until the age of six or seven. Of course I would never argue with the "long hair is unnatural" people because it is just a waste of time. The best thing to do is just to look horrified and speakless at some rude remark about your hair and walk away. Sometimes people are just trying to make a suggestion with a good intention. I just smile and say thank you. That's the end of it. ------------- |
Posted By: deltagirl12345
Date Posted: October 26 2004 at 9:00am
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Hi Suers: I have also found ever since I started dateing. That yes, most men love long hair on women. They love to play with it. Many find it a real turn on. Susan ------------- Susan |
Posted By: Grace912
Date Posted: October 26 2004 at 9:08am
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It's funny that you say that about employers because at my most recent job (I left a month ago for school), I was the only person in my department who was consistently on time. And my boss never had two words to say to me about my hair, or any other aspect of my appearance (although one woman was spoken to about a low-cut blouse that was really not unlike many shirts that I've worn to work; of course, it might be because she actually had cleavage to show in it, I swear I'm not jealous!). I don't even know who would argue that "long hair is unnatural." Listen to that statement, it's just silly. ------------- Monica: Isn't there any way that you could look at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing this to be more like you. Rachel: Well, then, couldn't she have just copied my haircut? |
Posted By: Supersugar
Date Posted: October 27 2004 at 9:05am
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Although I've never heard that argument stated in quite THAT way (cutting long hair simply because it's long), my mother cut my bra-strap length hair when I was thirteen, much to my chagrin. She said it was full of split ends, and I suppose she was right. However, a few years later, she whacked it from shoulder length to above my ears. Her reasoning? "It'll be cute." May I add that she was in cosmetology school at the time? Now, the other day I saw a young lady on campus with thigh-length hair, very thick and heavy-looking, and I thought to myself, "She needs to cut it," but that was because it looked so incredibly dull. It was the strangest hair I've ever seen; it was thicker at the roots than it was on top on her head! That would be the only reason I would recommend that someone with long hair cut it, if it was damaged. And even then, it's just a suggestion; it's not MY hair and I certainly can't make them cut it! ------------- Make every day you have count, before the time comes for you to count every day you have. |
Posted By: sarondie
Date Posted: October 27 2004 at 10:49am
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i guess i'm the lucky one. i have a hairstylist that i've been going to all my life and she has never encouraged me to cut my hair short. in fact, her's is longer than mine, and when i tell her a half inch trim, that's exactly what she does. ------------- |
Posted By: duke
Date Posted: October 28 2004 at 7:15am
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"Although I've never heard that argument stated in quite THAT way (cutting long hair simply because it's long), my mother cut my bra-strap length hair when I was thirteen, much to my chagrin. She said it was full of split ends, and I suppose she was right. However, a few years later, she whacked it from shoulder length to above my ears. Her reasoning? "It'll be cute." May I add that she was in cosmetology school at the time?" -Cute, eh? Parents who behave in this way are in my opinion abusing their children. This is beyond insensitive, this is treating your kid like property. Disgusting. These people's behavior is rude and unsolicited. No respect for individuality. Many stylists do this and it's sick. If your mechanic said "let's not just fix the engine, let's make it a HOT ROD!" you'd think he was being pretentious, wouldn't you? I strongly recommend that long-haired people do one of the following: 1) stop cutting their hair for good (if they don't mind this look) except maybe dusting for split ends by hand. 2) get a trusted friend or relative to trim for them 3) go to a long hair salon 4) if there is no 3) in your area or if you find it too expensive, go to a regular salon and tell the stylist politely but firmly "I like my hair as it is and I would appreciate it if you would commit yourself to only trimming so and so much off and not advising me to cut it differently, get highlights etc." ------------- |
Posted By: Debbie
Date Posted: October 28 2004 at 7:32am
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Duke, I got a real quick question for ya? Was you ever made to get your haircut as a child? You seem to "catch phrases" and go with the "Because my parents made me do it", or "my mom cut my hair". What gives? Lighten up, please!!!!! It is just a question. We are not in court here!!!! Debbie ------------- There is more to life than hair...Come on---Go get a life!!!!!!! |
Posted By: Supersugar
Date Posted: October 28 2004 at 10:36am
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The style that my mom gave me would have been very cute on a 22-year woman, and in fact, I did get my hair cut very short right around this time last year. The problem was, at the time I was only 15, and my dim-bulb classmates just had yet another excuse to laugh at me...as if my being smarter than the average kid wasn't enough of a reason. Furthermore, it was such a labor-intensive style that I had no clue how to take care of it on my own. I wouldn't label the cutting as child abuse in every case, but it definitely hurt my self-esteem. Hopefully when I get around to having daughters, I can teach them more about their hair than I knew about mine, and the 'split ends' argument won't have to keep coming up. ------------- Make every day you have count, before the time comes for you to count every day you have. |
Posted By: duke
Date Posted: October 29 2004 at 5:23am
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I think one should not force haircuts on children, especially not something as ludicrous as a mother making her daughter have her nice hair chopped off in order to satisfy some urge she has, as a "guinea pig" for her mother's cosmetology classes etc. It's common sense that the daughter would care about how her hair looks - it's HER hair on HER head for crying out loud. I will NOT lighten up as long as people do treat their children like property. If you're too complacent to see that as a form of child abuse, that's your thing. ------------- |
Posted By: Debbie
Date Posted: October 29 2004 at 10:18am
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When I was in High School I had waste legthn hair. Some of the girls wanted me to get my hair cut- I dinot let it bother me. I later got it cut because of the job career that I chose. Debbie (edited becasue I wanted to!) ------------- There is more to life than hair...Come on---Go get a life!!!!!!! |
Posted By: deltagirl12345
Date Posted: October 29 2004 at 10:36am
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Hi All: I really like all the responces. Thank you all so much. I still think and fell it all comes down to personal choice. I do not try to press my views on others, and I do not what them to push there views on me. If you want a short cut, then have it. Be happy ! If I want to let my hair grow long. Then let me. I am hurting no one. Only give me your views, if I ask for them. I really like this forum. So many nice people in it. Susan. ------------- Susan |
Posted By: misterhappy
Date Posted: October 29 2004 at 12:28pm
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I am a middle aged guy who finally got up the gumption to let his hair grow. The stylist I go to has been very supportive. I went in for a cut and she gave me a slight trim and when she was done said with a smile "Go away. You can go a few months at least between trims now." I finally logged in and attached a pic. Comments welcome. Mr. Happy ------------- |
Posted By: rosebud
Date Posted: October 29 2004 at 3:38pm
i'm jealous. hehe. I love long hair. I have noticed theres always pressure to cut hair. sigh..that's how my mom & sister chopped mine off. I used to love it, it was long. Oh well thank god it grows. I have noticed that even when people get makeovers they always cut hair! If someone grows their hair, its not a mistake, or fashionless. I love it, and i think soem ppl should stop pretending that short hair is wrong. Hey i just thought of something!!!! Why are all "professional" women for the most part short haired? Look at politicians, even news reporters, talk show hosts. Whats up with that? Are they trying to tell us that we're more "proper" if we're short like men.Maybe i took it too far..hehe  but just some observations. Thanks for bringing this up deltagirl, its interesting.
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Posted By: Nicole Z
Date Posted: October 29 2004 at 3:44pm
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People who pick on others' choices typically are unhappy with their own lives, therefore they hurt others to make themselves feel better. It's a universal thing...right or wrong, it stinks. :/ ------------- My hair is almost to my knees (~50") and continues to grow longer. Rather slowly these days, but that's ok - it's still *growing*. |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: October 31 2004 at 11:39am
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I agree with you, Susan -- I think that there are too many people giving unsolicited haircut advice in this world. In recent years, a number of people have -- out of the blue -- suggested that I cut my hair and give it to an organization which I shall not identify. I have studied their workings and concluded that they already have a very large surplus, and thus were themselves not needy. But in just the past few weeks, I have received (again, from "out of the blue") suggestions to cut and then sell my hair. Funny how nobody tells other people who own expensive cars or homes to sell them and buy something cheaper. Thanks for bring up the topic, Susan. There always seems to be a new angle on it to hash out. [Edited to add: Nice to see you became a member, Mr. H., and it's good to know that your grow-out is going well.] ------------- |
Posted By: korsakovhatt3
Date Posted: October 31 2004 at 4:36pm
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I've had people suggest that I cut my hair and donate it as well. The suggestion seems to be that I'm "hoarding" all the hair. My response to those people is that they are perfectly welcome to grow their own donation. ------------- My user name is WAY too long. Just call me Juliana. :-) |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: October 31 2004 at 5:27pm
Exactly. They may seem to think that you're "hoading" some significant portion of the world's supply of long hair, yet at the same time they "selfishly" discard so much cumulative hair over the course of years by having their hair frequently trimmed at the salon. Funny how "their" perception of the equation seems to find it easy to fault "us" for our legitimate choice not to do as they do. ------------- |
korsakovhatt3 wrote:Posted By: Supersugar
Date Posted: October 31 2004 at 6:19pm
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I agree, I think that anyone who wants to keep their hair long should not be badgered into donating to LOL. Now if you cut it, that's a different argument. But cutting it simply to donate? Kind of a hard decision to make for someone else, y'know? ------------- Make every day you have count, before the time comes for you to count every day you have. |
Posted By: Grace912
Date Posted: November 01 2004 at 8:39am
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Exactly; you wouldn't go up to someone else and say, "We've decided that a percentage of your income is going to go towards [insert cause here]," because then, even if it is a charitable act, it's not done of the person's own free will. True volunteerism is self-initiated. ------------- Monica: Isn't there any way that you could look at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing this to be more like you. Rachel: Well, then, couldn't she have just copied my haircut? |
Posted By: dianefromcanada
Date Posted: November 04 2004 at 11:23pm
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When I was a young girl I remember all the fuss my mother made to encourage me to have long hair but,all those evening sitting there as she curled my hair for the next day just drove me to cut it. I thought at the time having short hair was the cat's meow. No fuss, easy to take care etc. Later on I on my own decided to try growing it and again on my own during the later part of highschool decided to cut it having great fun at trying all kinds of hairstyles. When all those fancy hairstyles entered the picture having short hair was a lot of work and it took so much of my time. Now I never have a bad hair day. I can have it in a bun, ponytail, loose or whatever I choose. I might or might not choose to cut it again in life but it will be my choice not others. The only pressure I ever had to cut my hair was from my mother and sister because they love trying new things and that is fine for them. I never had any pressures from the public. I had many compliments. I did have a ex finance that thought it would be cute if I cut it and dyed it but again it was an ex......... What can I say............ If someone can't accept a person for who they are and how they look exactly at the moment there is no use to getting in the relationship. |
Posted By: korsakovhatt3
Date Posted: November 05 2004 at 1:37am
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I agree with you, Diane. I've only had one bad hair day since I grew my hair long again. That was when I accidentally dyed it apricot a month ago. I think long hair is so much easier to take care of. No more messy mushroom-head mornings like I had in high school. Juliana (from Canada too) ------------- My user name is WAY too long. Just call me Juliana. :-) |
Posted By: deltagirl12345
Date Posted: November 05 2004 at 5:54am
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Hi Diane & Julina: I totally agree with you both. Maybe its just many of the people around me. Its just seems a day does not go by that someone is trying to get me to cut my hair shorter. I guess I am just tired of explaining to people that I am very happy the way I am, with my hair long. Susan ------------- Susan |
Posted By: Susan W
Date Posted: November 05 2004 at 11:30am
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Hi deltagirl! If not a day goes by that you don't have to justify your appearance, I think you may need to tell the people who say such things that they are harassing you and trying to control you for selfish reasons. You can tell them that you would never tell them what to wear, or how to get their hair cut, and to do so to you is just plain rude. The only people who ever nagged me to cut my hair when it was bsl were my brother and mother. I think the reason for my mother was because when she was in high school (which she called "the best years of your life"....wasn't mine!), there was only one girl there with shoulder length hair and everyone else had close curly cuts. I saw her yearbook, it was from 1952 and short hair was just the ONLY thing acceptable there. So, she always thought I should have a short, curled do even though I was born in the mid 70s. My brother, I suppose, just picked up on her dislike of long hair and carried it off as his own, getting all of his girlfriends to cut off their hair. Since many people have long hair that isn't in good condition, they never thought it could look good? Hey, I don't know. There's nothing better than a head of long hair in great condition, and these days, with great forums like this, we know how to treat our hair right and keep it looking great! And to those of you who have mothers who are getting nagged to cut it, there's nothing more elegant on an older woman than a thick loose bun or big french twist. It looks much more beautiful than the thin old Helmet Head (what korsakovhatt3 calls the Irish Mammy!). ------------- Making metal barettes/concord clips hair safe, long hair style how to: http://alonghair.wordpress.com |
Posted By: enfys
Date Posted: November 16 2004 at 2:11pm
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It's been a hugely long time since I was here last, because I've left school and started college I've got a far greater workload. What I found odd was that in school, most of the girls did the whole "cut your hair" thing, but now I'm in college, doing mostly boy-subjects, like D.T., I never get that. True, the boys don't compliment me - they just accept me. Luckily in the UK hair donation/selling is not very big - it's all about fashion if people cut their hair. Oddly, when I go to a club or gig, if I meet up with peopleI met, they always remember me as "oh yeah - you were the girl with the really cool hair", even when all I did was pin up a few plaits and poke some flowers in. Let's face it - LONG HAIR GOOD, SHORT HAIR GOOD (sometimes)...PRESSURE BAD  ------------- http://www.myspace.com/waltzin_with_the_open_sea - http://www.myspace.com/waltzin_with_the_open_sea Ah-ha, a place I can soon add hair pics...once I do some |
Posted By: strawberryfine
Date Posted: November 21 2004 at 10:18am
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These are just some thoughts... Don't offer an explanation. Your enemies don't deserve it and your friends don't need it. "Well, how very presumptious of you", spoken calmly, can be a very effective reply to many people. To protect the length of your hair, (a) Don't cut it at all. or (b) Cut it yourself. or (c) Take a friend along to the salon to watch while your hair is being trimmed to see that your wishes are honored. Hairstylists are people, as individual as people with long hair, or anyone else. Most of us (hairstylists)do not feel good about being judged as a group, anymore than most of us (longhair enthusiasts) would enjoy being judged as a group. Take responsibility for how we and our hair are treated. Stating a preference quietly, and if necessary, walking away, are defenses that have worked well for me. I have a close relative, who used to be critical of my hair, specifically its length. She doesn't say anything to me about it now, after I quit visiting her and told her why I quit visiting her and told her I would love to visit with her if she would just refrain from that criticism. I visit her frequently now. If she slips up, I say, "Well, how very presumptious of you"... and that usually works. Now, these are just my thoughts, they are not even suggestions of what I think anyone else should do. If they were, then I would be being presumptious myself. strawberryfine A hairstylist who is letting her hair grow to terminal length.  ------------- strawberryfine 2aFii 12/25.5"/terminal length after reaching "small of my back length" |
Posted By: deltagirl12345
Date Posted: November 22 2004 at 4:24am
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Hi Susan, Enfys,Strawberry. Thank you all for responding to my question. I would like to thank everyone for there great responces. I am now well armed with some great combacks to people when they bring up the "C" word to me - CUT. Thanks Susan ------------- Susan |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: November 28 2004 at 10:03pm
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Kewl, Susan. Glad we could help. I have plenty of "ammunition" in mind. Unfortunately I've had to use it in the past. Oh well... let me (us) know if you feel you need more "reinforcement." ------------- |