negative reactions for having longhair
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Category: Long Hair Happenings
Forum Name: Long Hair Support
Forum Description: Growing it long takes commitment and support.
URL: https://talk.hairboutique.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=646
Printed Date: July 29 2025 at 1:11pm
Topic: negative reactions for having longhair
Posted By: gilles
Subject: negative reactions for having longhair
Date Posted: June 08 2003 at 6:41pm
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I would like to share with this board a negative reaction I received for just having longhair. I used to work in the Yukon Territory in northern Canada. One summer, I decided to drive down to Vancouver so one of my co-workers asked me if she could come down with me. I said of course. When we reached Prince George, a city located 500 miles north of Vancouver, seeing that she had a friend living there, she gave her a call. Right away, we were invited to come over,have dinner with her and her husband and that we should spend the night at their place. Shortly after our arrival, her husband left the house without saying a word. When came time for dinner, I thought it would be appropriate to wait for him to return. I was shocked as well as my friend to hear that he will not be returning for dinner because he had gone to stay at a friend's place. The reason? He just could not stand me because I had longhair!! Of course, I have received those rude comments such as " You need an haircut" or You look like a girl" from strangers but I think this lady's husband went a bit too far!! I wonder if any long-haired guys on this board ever had bad experiences for having longhair? How come women can have their hair as long or as short as they want without any problems but for us, guys, if we decide to have very long hair, WOW that's another story!! Dave, did you have a nice weekend on the golf course? Gilles |
Replies:
Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: June 09 2003 at 12:55am
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It sounds to me like the husband either couldn't contain his affection for you or else had a major issue with control. How utterly ridiculous that you would be judged on something so superficial! It speaks volumes about the (lack of) character of the "man." It's all his problem, not yours. ------------- |
Posted By: 3katz
Date Posted: June 09 2003 at 11:06am
Hi; I've been lurking for a while now. It's time to go public, I guess! My kid brother was on both sides of the fence; he had long hair down to his waist, coal black (I was so envious), went into the Army and kept it short after he moved back home, then grew it out again. People make some pretty inaccurate assumptions about all *extreme* hair lengths, and yeah, they don't mind telling you either! I was in the military for a few years myself, and there were definitely some long-haired souls with high 'n tight haircuts! My hair was pretty short at the time, and I'm tall for a girl, so you can imagine some of the nastiness I ran into, and in front of my small children, too. Sounds like your *gracious host* needs to get out of the house more often, and you were better off without his presence, IMHO. Don't you feel sorry for such narrow minds and those who live with them? I'm happy to read you haven't let anyone pressure you into cutting your hair! Jean------------- 3katz |
Posted By: Kintaro
Date Posted: June 09 2003 at 11:18am
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B.C. , huh ? Make sure you go to a friend's place where they are Sikh :P I mean, how could they discriminate against long hair, it's in their 5 K's (They'll be armed with a knife too :P ) Personally, I don't believe you have to tell anyone in advance, and if they have a problem with it (heard there was a place in the New Testament saying men with long hair are unholy, etc...), let them leave, or if they approach, disarm them since some are scissor-happy under rage. ------------- I hate all of the following and lots more : Fundamentalists, racists, sexists, fascists, ageists (people saying seniors = senile , kids = stupid , 18 = immature or a combo of them), and bigots for causes yet to receive their own designation. |
Posted By: 3katz
Date Posted: June 09 2003 at 11:59am
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Since this isn't a BOTM club, this is a little off-track, but it's funny you should mention the five k's, Kintaro. I'm 2/3 of the way through Shauna Singh Baldwin's book What the Body Remembers. She repeatedly mentions the five k's (and I had no idea before I read this what they are). It's a complex, fascinating read. I sure hope the italics work the way I want for the title quote! Jean ------------- 3katz |
Posted By: uzma
Date Posted: June 09 2003 at 2:07pm
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Hi Jean You can post BOTM here. Check out the Book Review board which has been up since yesterday. I, for one, would like to hear more about the book you mentioned. ------------- Uzi |
Posted By: Coyote
Date Posted: June 09 2003 at 5:26pm
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I've had lot's of negative reactions when I had long hair. Was told many times that maybe I should consider a haircut, told I looked like a girl, etc. Unfortunately I caved into the negative comments and ignored the positive ones and ended up cutting my hair :( Little advice: Don't do that lol I liked it short at first, but now I want it long again and am in the process of growing it out. I won't be cutting it this time. I guess a guy will always catch flak if he's got long hair, but the important thing to remember is to stay true to what you want and who you are, and what anybody else thinks doesn't really matter. That's my 2 cents :) ------------- "Hope is when we feel the pain that makes us try again" -Chico Science |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: June 09 2003 at 8:42pm
Yes Gilles, a very good weekend on the golf course.  I found that the longer my hair grew, the less grief I got from others. Maybe they figure you're "too far gone," which in my case was true. But that's not a bad thing. So hang in there!
LOL.
Uh, yep, exactly.
Welcome Jean! I agree with you as well.
Kintaro, you crack me up. Indeed, I once ate dinner at the residence of a Sikh family. Funny, nobody that evening suggested that I ought to cut my hair.
So true, Coyote! ------------- |
gilles wrote:Posted By: LetGoMommyHair
Date Posted: June 09 2003 at 10:10pm
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I just wanted to point out that this person decided to leave and let the unfamiliar guest stay. This indeed is a gracious host. He also did not confront anyone - just left - perhaps this person has a major issue from their past/childhood abuse/etc with a long haired male figure. Who knows? Anyway .... let us, too, be open minded. ------------- LetGo...sweetie...let go of mommy's hair... |
Posted By: Isla Q.
Date Posted: June 10 2003 at 3:09am
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That's true, of course, none of us here know what caused this man's long hair aversion. But in general, leaving your own house because you cannot stand the way one of your guests looks, is not an act of a gracious host. I imagine this would make the guest feel even more unwelcome than if the host had stayed and confronted the guest. ------------- |
Posted By: 3katz
Date Posted: June 10 2003 at 2:08pm
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Thank you, Isla. When I used those words, that's exactly what I meant. He left his guests feeling emotionally uncomfortable, and that's part of being a good host. Jean ------------- 3katz |
Posted By: uzma
Date Posted: June 10 2003 at 3:46pm
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Gillies Just a thought - it may be possible that there was another reason for the man leaving his house, nothing to do with your hair. Your friend may not have wanted to tell you and just used the hair excuse.... This experience has you wondering why, but it could be a cover for something else. Maybe your friend wanted to get you alone and sent her guy off on an errand......I am just speculating. Actually, it really angers me when I hear about these type of reactions to long hair. Such rudeness and stupidity. May any and all who express such negativity wake up bald!!  ------------- Uzi |
Posted By: Hippychik
Date Posted: June 16 2003 at 7:28am
| I'm just wondering if any females here have had anti long hair discrimination. All my life, I dealt with a grandmother who has a pathological hatred of hair. My hair was above the ear at all times when I was a child. My grandmother would have it forcibly cut and permed and I was severly punished one time for screaming in the "ugly shop" that they'd ruined me. I always wanted long, flowing princess hair. Even the males in the family hate hair. My grandfather told me that if I was his daughter he would cut my hair to my shoulders just because he could. How am I supposed to believe they love me if they say things like that? As late as when I was 17, my grandmother told me that because I got lice (the one time in my life) that "That hair's got to go." I jumped out of her car and into mine and went to my youth minister and called my parents. My hair was saved. This is painful to talk about, but I'm glad to finally talk about it. |
Posted By: Kintaro
Date Posted: June 16 2003 at 8:34am
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o_O. When it's pathological, there's only one pace for them, and it's the asylum. Head lice requires in no way or form that you have to cut your hair to get rid of them. I know this personally, so you did the right thing trying to find someone who wasn't whacked (surprised at it being a minister), well, anybody is better than nobody. People (as in this family minus the poster) who say "I'll do this because I can" are not parents/family. They are pathological slavedrivers. Don't ask what I'd do to such people, when they can't fairly love, care, and guide a child.... I'd have a Stalinistic approach to such people :P (and if you're unable to decipher, well, an Ingram in the kneecaps is a vivid enough image) While never about my hair (oh yeah, I didn't have any, maybe that'd be something too), I felt the same kind of alienation from my family/relatives. ------------- I hate all of the following and lots more : Fundamentalists, racists, sexists, fascists, ageists (people saying seniors = senile , kids = stupid , 18 = immature or a combo of them), and bigots for causes yet to receive their own designation. |
Posted By: Hippychik
Date Posted: June 17 2003 at 2:07pm
| Well, the minister wasn't as much help as I thought he'd be. He did tell my grandmother later that I was obsessed with my hair, although he didn't think cutting it was the answer. When I'd never been allowed to have hair, I did get a little obsessive and protective. That's only natural that I'd develop a extreme response in response to what my family did to me. I have a lot of issues now about hair. Instead of it being an accessory, it's my only beauty. My worst fear is forced haircuts, but I find them oddly intriguing. I go on those story sites, and am repulsed yet turned on. I'm glad I've found a place to just get all this out of my head. |
Posted By: uzma
Date Posted: June 18 2003 at 2:53pm
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Hippychick I have had similar experiences to you. If you become a registered member of this site than we can discuss via Board mail, if you like. Take care and know that you are not alone. Hugs. ------------- Uzi |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: June 19 2003 at 12:43pm
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So sorry to hear you've been forced to ensure such treatment, Hippychik. I can empathize. Feel free to share your thoughts here or, as Uzma suggests, through board mail ("bmail") with those you might wish to discuss some issues privately. ------------- |
Posted By: cara
Date Posted: June 23 2003 at 6:40pm
| Hi HippyChik! I feel your pain! When I was a kid, maybe about 9 or 10 years old, with pretty darkest brown hair to my shoulders, I had the lice treatment, which after my grandmother one day noticing "nits"(lice eggs) in my hair, my mother doused my hair with kerosene(supposedly to kill the eggs), cut it all off to a really dorky-looking short haircut! I was then plopped in the bathtub for what was an eternity to shampoo out the kerosene, the smell of which lingered for awhile on me. I had to go to school next day too, and be stared at. Basically long hair was not particularly approved of in our family, so people would cut theirs(and mine!) at the slightest excuse. These were home haircuts in a rural area, not anything remotely stylish either! |
Posted By: reggia
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 6:02pm
Hi Hippychik, I share that fear somewhat, too, and always blamed it on the Jane Eyre wherein there is violent anger as they force Jane into a haircut as some sort of punishment. For years, I didn't want to read the book so as to avoid that particular scene. Growing up Catholic, I learned of a true story in which a girl (St Catherine, I think) also endured a very harshly given haircut as a punishment. Until I reached adolescence, my hair was always kept at my shoulders. Admittedly, I wasn't too conscious about it except when a schoolmate commented on its unkemptness. {blush} But the only bad comments I get about length are from my mother, she was mortified that I didn't cut it when pregnant back with my first child. Furthermore, she believes it makes me vulnerable to attack. And at the least, is simply "not fitting". For years she'd clip pics out of mags of cuts/styles that she thought would be suitable....... ------------- |
Posted By: reggia
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 6:08pm
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...can't seem to edit my post, anyway when i mentioned jane eyre i was speaking of the movie i had seen as a child... ------------- |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: July 04 2003 at 8:12pm
Hi Reggia, My father tried this "trick" once... at least he meant well... and thankfully he didn't push the issue. I think he must be at least reasonably happy that his son turned out to be "okay." ------------- |
Posted By: Nez
Date Posted: July 11 2003 at 12:54pm
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Hmm, I'm 43, and grew up in south Texas. When I was younger back in the late 60's early seventies I grew my hair out. I couldn't believe my parents let me but they were always the sort to let us kids make our own decisions for better or worse so we could learn from our own mistakes. Anyway, back then there ws a LOT of grief for it, mainly from every adult around and law enforcement types. Small towns back then were notorious for long haired guys getting beaten by cops and such. That went out by the end of the seventies though, even in small town Texas. I personally couldn't care less what people think about it. I've cut mine off for jobs a few times, when I had to and needed the job. I'm the boss now so I don't have to worry about it :) Anything you do someone is not going to like, and someone else will think is great, so life is too short to go around worrying about it all and what people think. ------------- |
Posted By: Erinlynn
Date Posted: July 19 2003 at 9:33pm
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Personaly I like long hair on men. I find it Very attractive (well I dont like super long hair as much or really bad looking scraggly hair on men). My coworker has hair that reaches just under his shoulder blades. Its thick, a nice rich honey color and very healthy. He looks good. It looks professional too if he keeps it in a ponytail (and he works for the state govt). Id hate to see him cut it althoug he is pondering doing just that for locks of love. ------------- |
Posted By: Erinlynn
Date Posted: July 19 2003 at 9:43pm
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HippyChik, Your experiance sounds horrible!! I never encountered that much critisism but I also lived in a short hair family. My mom kept my hair shorter than shoulderlenght untull 8th grade when I was allowed to make my own decisions. She was never really mean about it, but she would always convince me somehow that a cut was needed. My dad and sister each like shorter hair too. I like short hair...but its not for me. So no matter of convinceing will make me desire a short style. ironicaly my boyfriend generaly likes short hair too, but he loves how I look regardless of hair lenght. As for encountering other negitivity. usualy its strangers or aquaintances who will make the "why dont you cut it" comments. The one i hate most is actualy from a friend and its not a negative remark about my hair. She says "Erin will never cut it, not even a little, she would cry if she did". Well I just recently did cut a significant amount off and I didnt cry. it grows back fast enough. My hair doesnt define who i am. Its a part of me but it isnt everything. ------------- |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: July 20 2003 at 2:41pm
Erinlynn, Would your co-worker be as willing to cut his hair if he was aware that locsk of luv makes big money selling hair? Or if he was aware that they receive much more hair than they use in the wigs they make? Donations made without full awareness of such relevant facts are made in vain. ------------- |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: July 20 2003 at 2:54pm
This "expression" from your so-called friend was purely a trick, wherein the proof to the contrary would be defined by her objective, which was to get you to cut your hair off. It worked. The way I see it is, if you like your hair being long, then to hell with anybody who tells you you shouldn't wear it that way. Nobody gives men grief for having short hair. Why should anybody give women grief for having long hair? ------------- |
Posted By: Erinlynn
Date Posted: July 20 2003 at 5:28pm
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Dave, I dont think my coworker would cut it if he knew all that about Locks of Love. On monday if his hair is gone I dont know if i will want to tell him (might make him feel worse). but if he still has hi hair Ill tell him and then he wont feel selfish. As for my friends comments and them working...well yes I cut it but it is still long so I didnt cut it short. i did it for myself, not from her comments. Now she can just be jealous that my hair is still long and looks fuller than before. I dont know, this friend of mine is a strange person. She also says "James will never ask you to marry him. He will be a bachelor all his life" and "your hair is so thin, I cant grow my hair long becasue its so thick". First off, my hair is not thin. Now that its been cut it looks thicker too. And to both her and her hubby my hair is still long. Second, her hubby likes long hair. She says she wants to grow hers out but as soon as it reaches her shoulder blades she cuts it. She loves short styles on herself but I think she tries to convince herself that she wants long hair becasue its so nice on others and her guy likes it. but then uses the "my hair is too thick, yours is thin, i cant have it long" excuse to cut it. HA! I know she likes long hair on others and is envious. But she doesnt really want it on herself. As for James and I...she should mind her own beeswax. Thats a rude statement!! Okay, this gal has a very offskewed view of what is appropriate and inappropriate to say. In fact, she just doesnt always realize when she says something that bothers others. And!!! Oh forgive my ranting!! You all might be the only ones who understand. She claims she can grow her hair as long as mine in a year!!! Now Im talking about going from 5 inches long to over 3 feet long. Yes, she DID claim she could do that! Thats about 3 inches a month of growth if not more. AND a mutual friend of our with hair to her waist got hers cut to boy cut short...barely a few inches long. But my friend tells others that her hair was just as long as mine (um no) and then she cut it all off. Impressive story. She usualy tells these stories when someon comments on my hair. "I could grow mine that long in a year since my hair grows so fast, but my hair is thick and so its to heavy to grow...our friend Ilia had hair just as long as hers and cut it all off" Maybe shes trying to draw attention away from me. Okay...ill stop ranting. ------------- |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: August 03 2003 at 1:56pm
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Ah Erinlynn, sorry you didn't have a chance to inform your co-worker before "the deed" was done. I understand your concern about telling him what you've learned. At the last job I had, a woman had just done the same. I told her what I knew. She was upset, but determined to regrow. This friend of yours is a strange person... Rant all you want! I can understand your irritation! * "your hair is so thin, I cant grow my hair long becasue its so thick" and "my hair is too thick, yours is thin, i cant have it long" ?? That makes no sense. * I could grow mine that long [from 5" to 3] in a year since my hair grows so fast..." Seriously doubtful. The fastest I've known anybody's hair to grow was another former co-worker whose hair grew 1" per month. ------------- |
Posted By: duke
Date Posted: August 06 2003 at 9:58am
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My hair is long for a guy - about chin length. I don't want it any shorter, but my family dislikes it, and I think some of my friends who knew me from back when my hair was a traditional short haircut feel the same way. There is discrimination out there still and this is shameful. Reggia, this is what happens in Jane Eyre, a story which would happen in about the first half of the 19th century and may be based on something the author, Charlotte Bronte, saw during her short stint in a boarding school run by a certain William Carus Wilson. Her heroine, Jane, is sent as a child to the Lowood Charity School by her un- -charitable aunt, for daring to oppose the rag treatment Jane gets from her and her children. This school is run by Mr. Brocklehurst, who claims to be a very religious person, but is apparently sadistic and makes the girls suffer by imposing a puritannical discipline on them, eg. underfeeding them. One day, he remarks that a girl has curly red hair and calls it vanity, although it is natural - duhhhhh! He promises to send a barber next day to get it cut off. If I were a barber, I'd certainly refuse such a despicable job unless Mr. B. had brainwashed me! And he not only does that but he decides that all the "top knots" of the other girls must be cut off, because they have a little braid or twist or something in their hai. Duhhh - why not just undo it! And. Guess what. Then, his wife and daughters come in and are not only well-dressed, but the mother even has - get this - a fringe of false curls in her hair!!!!! In the movie of 1996 or so "Jane Eyre", this scene is done much differently and totally seems to lose the point. You don't get that Mr. Brocklehurst is sadistically inclined, you just think he's puritannical (he orders Jane to give him shears to cut her friend's naturally curly hair. Jane hesitates and he says "I will not ask you twice". To which Jane gives him her hair to cut also! Sort of in your face, but doesn't acheive anything.) ------------- |
Posted By: Viktoria
Date Posted: August 14 2003 at 6:42pm
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Erinlynn and HippyChick, I feel your hurt. There will always be people who want to have power over others, and they will target you where they know it hurts the most. Your hair, your lover, your education, your dreams. If you confront them, they will just say stuff like "I´m just saying it for your own good, I love you!" Well, with friends or family like that, who needs enemies? Keep them away from you and there will be room for nicer people to get to know you. ------------- The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. |
Posted By: dianefromcanada
Date Posted: August 14 2003 at 6:56pm
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I would easily believe that this so call husband left the house because his " friend" was actually a female and he is having an affair and used the hair story as an excuse. I'm appauled that excuse was used and noone thought of your feelings in the whole situation. Next time maybe press the delete button and pick new friends. How dare someone not think of your feelings. Not to bright on their part. Pretty shallow people. Eventhought the reason was about your hair "if that was really the case" all precautions to protect your feelings should have been taken. ------------- dianefromcanada |
Posted By: Benji the Sausage
Date Posted: August 21 2003 at 2:47pm
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i once got a negative reaction for cutting it. most people were just shocked because i went from butt length hair to sholder length then cut it again to chin length. my friend was (well. still is) african american and she had really dry hair and it broke off all the time no matter what she did. at first she had to have some cut because it was so hard to deal with. and one day she was like "And whats wrong with you anyway!? My hair just gets shorter and shorter and wont grow and you go and chop a few feet of it off like its nothing! If I had hair like that id NEVER let anyone TOUCH it. You're insane." i was just like "Um. Im sorry?" with long hair. i was so young when i still had really long hair nobody cared. most people would say "my mommie cut my hair and its really pretty you should cut yours like mine!" or something like that. now that im growing it, and its dyed black, and im the most hated person on the face of the earth... im sure SOMEONE will have something to say. ------------- BSL/Blonde/Chemically Treated (abused) 1b/cMii I swear by Redken Extreme and Shea Butter. |