feeling depressed over something stupid!!!!!
Printed From: HairBoutique.com
Category: Long Hair Happenings
Forum Name: Long Hair Support
Forum Description: Growing it long takes commitment and support.
URL: https://talk.hairboutique.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=672
Printed Date: June 02 2024 at 10:16am
Topic: feeling depressed over something stupid!!!!!
Posted By: princessmonica
Subject: feeling depressed over something stupid!!!!!
Date Posted: June 20 2003 at 4:07pm
hi everyone. i'm depress over something stupid! i wento the mall with my husband. big mistake! they had redken buy the conditioner get the shampoo half price! at the beauty supply. i'm so sad  i been wanting to try the all soft and the long one. i don't have the money as usual..sigh... i feel so STUPID though! it's ONLY SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER! i feel so superfishal! worst yet after my husband went to the bank to get money out for himself.------------- http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders - http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders |
Replies:
Posted By: papillon_purple
Date Posted: June 20 2003 at 5:20pm
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It's ok, it'll be allright.. Our hair is part of ourselves and we want the best for it; for others it may be just shampoo and conditioner, but for people who take good care of their hair, it's an investment.. Just so you know, I've been dissapointed that my local salon hasn't gotten another batch of their Redken products, so I may not be able to try any for a while.. I'm with you there... |
Posted By: SuperGrover
Date Posted: June 20 2003 at 8:53pm
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Oh Monica! **hug** I feel guilty after I buy expensive shampoo and conditioner, too. (Which is too often, really.) My husband works to save money and doesn't buy stuff he wants... and then I blow it on S + C. And incidentally, I've changed my mind about So Long... it has Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate as a main ingredient, which Lyris' ingredient list says is harsh. So it's just a disappointment. If you feel like splurging some time though, I think All Soft is worth it. Lyris had once suggested some lower priced alternatives, but I forget what they were called. Some of them were from Sally's Beauty Supply, I recall. ------------- "Hair is a part of you. It is not a part of me, because I am a frog." - Kermit the Frog on Sesame Street1b/N/ii ~ ??"/27"/32" |
Posted By: tina m
Date Posted: June 20 2003 at 9:01pm
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Monica!!! Don't you know you have the power young lady?!!! Ok,..... it sounds like your husband has the bucks in your house. If you want a little money for shampoo, conditioner, whatever, it doesn't cost very much for that stuff, just ask him for a few bucks! Tell him you need it to look beautiful for him! And if that doesn't work, nibble his ear a little, get him turned on, use your feminine guiles! C'mon girl, it is EASY to manipulate most men-(on a certain level no matter how sophisticated they think they are, they are still dumb, hor.ny animals! You know that! tee hee!!!)-.    If all else fails, with hold sex from him until he buys you your shampoo and conditioner. After all, you are not asking him for a new expensive fur coat and diamond earrings!!!-(although that would be nice too!!!!)-. C'mon Monica, do your "female" thing, manipulate the poor sucker, he is just a man!!!!!!!!!!!!! ............. you have the power!!!!! ------------- tina |
Posted By: LetGoMommyHair
Date Posted: June 20 2003 at 9:26pm
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Tina, Even though you are "joking"...I find your suggestions offensive..and I'm a woman! Just thought you'd like to know. ------------- LetGo...sweetie...let go of mommy's hair... |
Posted By: tina m
Date Posted: June 20 2003 at 9:48pm
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Yes "Mommy's hair", I was joking. I was trying to lighten Monica's mood a little, when someone is feeling a little down in the dumps, some silliness can help. So lighten up a little please. .....By the same token though,... truthfully speaking,- if women really want to manipulate men they actually can,.....-(as every woman has from time to time, if she is honest with herself)-. .....and that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it depends when and how we use our "feminine charms". Have a nice evening. ------------- tina |
Posted By: SuperGrover
Date Posted: June 20 2003 at 9:49pm
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Yeah I agree. Although not in the same way. While I'd also say that men are totally manipulatable, (Dumb Sticks as they said on Ally McBeal) I think it's kind of rude to assume Monica would stoop to such tactics. She's clearly too good a person and wife to do that to her husband. And from her talk about him, he seems to be too good a guy to do that to. But your post is kinda funny, Tina. :) Don't mean to make you feel bad. I often stick my neck out and say what I feel and then get stepped on by others. (Not here though! No one steps on me here. :) Although my thread on flip-flops being for the shower only did shut the shoe board up for several days. I must've offended some people there.) ------------- "Hair is a part of you. It is not a part of me, because I am a frog." - Kermit the Frog on Sesame Street1b/N/ii ~ ??"/27"/32" |
Posted By: tina m
Date Posted: June 20 2003 at 9:59pm
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I know SuperGrover, Monica is a very sweet lady. I know she would NEVER manipulate her husband, who I am sure is a VERY NICE man. I keep forgetting that many people are sweet, lovable, "nice" sorts. These days I'm living in a middle class suburb with my little girl . I guess I have to be sweet, nice, and non-manipulative now too!!! What an adjustment!.....I wonder if I can ? -(tee hee hee!!!!)-. ------------- tina |
Posted By: 3katz
Date Posted: June 21 2003 at 9:58am
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I don't think Monica's husband meant anything bad, either. We all get tunnel vision every now and again. But Monica, I hope you didn't do what I do all too often and said "nothing" if he noticed something was wrong! And listen to Purple; she's absolutely right; it'll be okay! It's just a temporary disappointment, all your loving hair-care isn't going to go away overnight for the want of some S&C! I don't think you're being a bit superficial. It bites to feel broke! That's when you need the little luxuries the most, IMHO. Peace, Jean Purple, did you get a new avatar? Love the flower! |
Posted By: princessmonica
Date Posted: June 21 2003 at 11:30am
thanks all you guys! i told my mom about the redken being on sale. she spoils her brat [me] and bought it for me  i was suprised about the ''so long'' being harsh. infact supergrover i was going to tell you about the shampoo. having harsh detergent. i got the conditioner of''so long'' i got ''all soft s&c i don't mean for my huband to sound mean. he just doen't understand abut s&c. plus we have bills to pay. tima m i know you were only joking ------------- http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders - http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders |
Posted By: princessmonica
Date Posted: June 21 2003 at 12:07pm
also hugs to everyone that replied.  ------------- http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders - http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders |
Posted By: 3katz
Date Posted: June 21 2003 at 4:04pm
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That's what moms are for, right? I'm so glad they never stop being moms. Well, 99.9% of the time I'm glad! I love a happy ending. Talk to ya later. Jean |
Posted By: uzma
Date Posted: June 21 2003 at 7:03pm
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Hi Monica Sorry I am late replying - life is crazily busy these days. When I read your original post I just wanted to hop on a plane, grab you and take you on a shopping trip to buy you loads of stuff. Glad your Mom was there for you - she sounds so wonderful .You know, I have heaps of s&c that I am going to swap for some other stuff at a girly party in a couple of weeks. I have also swapped hair stuff over the net at LHC (perhaps we could set something up on the HB boards - what do you think, Dave?). It's a great way to get new stuff for virtually nothing - I recommend it. Hugs and Kisses, ------------- Uzi |
Posted By: princessmonica
Date Posted: June 21 2003 at 7:47pm
aww uzma that is SO sweet of you! my mom is a very wonderful. i am VERY lucky to have a mother like her. not just because she buys me things, she is there for me no matter what. we can talk for HOURS. i think you have a great idea for the board! hugs and kisses back, monica ------------- http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders - http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders |
uzma wrote:Posted By: SuperGrover
Date Posted: June 22 2003 at 10:09am
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My mom spoils me too! She and my dad are really responsible for this new computer I am typing on right now. :) I like the idea of the product trade. I've been thinking of selling my old stuff on eBay. I dunno if I'd feel right swapping it with any of you though, because it's all stuff I don't like and/or has harsh ingredients in it. ------------- "Hair is a part of you. It is not a part of me, because I am a frog." - Kermit the Frog on Sesame Street1b/N/ii ~ ??"/27"/32" |
Posted By: SuperGrover
Date Posted: June 29 2003 at 11:32pm
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Monica! How do you like the All Soft?? And my mommy continues to spoil me. We just went to a James Taylor concert last week, and afterwards spent the night at an inn on a lake, and the next day went out on a boat! And then today again we went on a different boat! I'm such a spoiled girl. ------------- "Hair is a part of you. It is not a part of me, because I am a frog." - Kermit the Frog on Sesame Street1b/N/ii ~ ??"/27"/32" |
Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: June 29 2003 at 11:39pm
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Monica, I mean no disrespect for you at all, but I'm very confused. How can you afford three surgeries for breast enhancement yet not afford shampoo/conditioner? Something simply doesn't seem quite right. ------------- |
Posted By: princessmonica
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 12:21am
JENIFER NUMBER 1. THIS IS A HAIR BOARD! NUMBER 2. BULL! YOU DO MEAN TO OFFEND ME! YOU COULD OF BMAIL ME. DID IT EVER OCCUR THAT WAS YEARS AGO! PEOPLE MONEY SITUATIONS CHANGES! supergrover- i like it alot. i like the ''so long'' conditioner very much too i didn't buy the ''so long'' shampoo because the harsh detergant. how was your concert?------------- http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders - http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders |
Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 12:41am
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Monica, you posted publicly about having breast enhancement surgery three times on the hair board. I'm not divulging anything that was said privately. And no, I really don't mean to offend you at all. But I simply don't understand how people can spend a large amount of money on cosmetic surgery yet not have enough money for essentials like shampoo. It seems to me (and I've done it too!) that we don't "save for a rainy day." We spend what we want here and now and don't think about necessities in the future. Please understand that it is quite odd for us to hear how someone can afford major cosmetic surgery (not something that will save a life) not once, not twice, but three times, yet not afford something that costs a minute fraction of that elective surgey. Ultimately, we all have to lie in the beds that we make. For better or for worse! But we also need to understand why we are where we are. ------------- |
Posted By: SuperGrover
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 12:44am
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LOL. Only on an internet board can you shift gears from shouting at one person to calmly talking to another so quickly. It's kind of funny. But I agree... Jennifer, the question is kind of rude and inappropriate. For all you know, the surgery was covered by insurance for some reason. But even if it wasn't, yes, money situation does sadly change. If only I had the expendible income today that I used to have. (Why didn't I save more back then?) The concert was great! Thanks for asking. I like James Taylor very much. So soft and sweet. But I think I liked the boat trip even better! I got to jump off the boat into the lake water! I haven't swum in fresh water in who knows how long. It was devine! ------------- "Hair is a part of you. It is not a part of me, because I am a frog." - Kermit the Frog on Sesame Street1b/N/ii ~ ??"/27"/32" |
Posted By: SuperGrover
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 12:47am
OK, now you're getting high and mighty, and that's not cool. ------------- "Hair is a part of you. It is not a part of me, because I am a frog." - Kermit the Frog on Sesame Street1b/N/ii ~ ??"/27"/32" |
Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 12:56am
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>>>>OK, now you're getting high and mighty, and that's not cool. Why do you think that? If I say that I just bought a Mercedes and later complain to you that I don't have enough money to buy food for my children, are you going to have sympathy for me? We have FAR more control over our lives than we think we do. ------------- |
Posted By: uzma
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 2:48am
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Jennifer What you are not considering – as Monica pointed out – is time span and changing financial situations. We know next to nothing about the real lives of posters on the HairTalk forums. It is therefore important that we take all revelations and problems at face value. I perceived your challenge to Monica as either a remprimand, a discrediting of her financial management (and therefore personality) – or both. That is neither supportive nor respectful. I could speculate on why you felt the need to challenge rather than be helpful, and draw conclusions about your personality, life-history and psychological issues….but that would be vastly ignorant and malicious behaviour on my part which has no place either here or in real life. Finally and in order to re-balance your assertions here, I will state that Monica is a person of great integrity. She is kind, loving, intelligent and courageous. I glean that from on-board and off-board talks with her. ------------- Uzi |
Posted By: Karen Shelton
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 3:19am
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Hi all, I hear all of you on this subtopic of criticism that has popped up. It is a topic that I deal with daily from a number of views. The positive and negative aspect of messageboards is that as soon as we post something we are opening ourselves up to other people's opinions and viewpoints....good or bad. Some people are more diplomatic than others in their responses and some may have a hard time keeping their opinions from being harsh or rude or personal. Some people actually feel better about themselves when they can criticize someone else. Others believe that they are sincerely wanting to help...whether they other person agrees or not. As the owner of HB.com the buck ultimately stops with me on every issue that comes up. When someone posts comments (on any of the boards) that are viewed as rude or inappropriate, I or the thread's moderator are responsible for deciding what to do. Do we delete the offending post? Do we privately contact the offending poster and ask them to tone it down? Or do we block their IP so that they are no longer welcome to post on the board? The last option is certainly the most drastic but we have blocked posters before and we have privately asked people via email to please not visit again citing the reasons why. Some people believe that it is good for others to hear all sorts of criticism and they believe that they are doing it "constructively". Others hate constructive criticism. Some people give feedback in a kind and non-judgemental way. Others give feedback in a way that appears condescending, judgemental and rude. It is my opinion that when someone posts...I don't mean to be rude or I don't mean to criticize....they are invariably being rude and critical. I get email criticisms from complete strangers on a regular basis about HairBoutique.com. When an email writer starts out the email by saying "I thought you would like to know - this sucks or that sucks" it offends me on a number of levels. It offends me because I work 7 days a week, 24 hours a day to make HB.com the best site that it can be. A site that is always available to the hundreds of thousands of people who take advantage of the thousands of articles and galleries and messageboards. It also offends me that the email is from a person that doesn't know me or the site and in my opinion doesn't have a right to attack me or HB.com for the sake of "constructive criticism" However, when people like Dave Decker or any of my board moderators email me and make suggestions or comments, I value those opinions very highly because they are people that are part of the community and are here all the time. I also listen closely when any of my customers to the Marketplace make comments or suggestions or "constructive criticisms". I don't always agree (yeah it would be nice to always have free shipping on all products except that I would go broke) but I do listen and try to find ways to compromise or do things better in the future. However, if a complete strangers writes and says....I really enjoy this or that but would love it if HB.com offered more images of whatever, I would definitely listen. Conversely, if someone said I think it sucks that you don't have more images of whatever, I would probably feel attacked. A lot depends on how the "constructive" criticism is posed. It can be done politely or it can be done where it offends completely. HB.com is always free. The way we pay for the site is through our store and the sale of things like HairTopia & Viviscal and our many different products. Yet visitors sometimes come to the messageboards and attack our products. Or they post links where people can buy the products we sell from our competitors. Yes, I want people to feel 100% free to express their opinions and share information but what they don't understand is that by attacking our products or sending people to our competitors, they are hurting future sales and thus shooting the cash cow that pays for the site that they visit and use. I understand that not everyone likes every product. And I understand that people need to express their opinions. But I think there is a right way and a wrong way to do this. I could debate this topic with myself for hours. However, I found a great article from BeautyWalk, one of the HB.com partners that really has a good handle on criticism and feedback that I thought I would share with all of you: http://www.beautywalk.com/lifestyle/august00/getting-critical_august.htm - http://www.beautywalk.com/lifestyle/august00/getting-critical_august.htm On the boards that have a Moderator (like Dave in this case) I do respect the rights of the Moderator to deal with problem posts as the first line and I don't interfere or get directly involved unless I am asked. However, this topic about constructive criticism is appropriate in general and I felt the need to comment in detail. So what is your feedback on what to do when a poster is offensive? Do you think the post should be removed or the poster censored? Should the post stand for others to respond? Or do you have other suggestions? I would love to hear your thoughts. I can't speak for Dave but I suspect he would also be interested. Best wishes, Karen ------------- That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger or drives you totally insane. :-) |
Posted By: uzma
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 3:54am
Hi Karen
When a poster is offensive, the offended party has a right to respond publicly as Monica did above. If this is not done on the thread and is taken offline, than it may appear that the offensive comments were true. Yes, the post should stand for others to respond, if it is not high on the scale of rudeness and personal attack. It is for the Moderator to contact the offended party and determine this scale, if it is not blatantly obvious from the post. In my opinion, people who are deliberately offensive to others - and yes, they tend to start with a "I don't mean to be offensive, but..." (how predictable) are looking for an emotional response from others. It is a personal validation for them. Internet boards are a "safe" way for them to play their sad, stupid games with others and get a "high" from all the emotional energy they stir up and the trail of hurt they leave behind. I consider this behaviour parasitic and cowardly, as well as boring and pointless. As for censoring the offending poster, that depends on their overall behaviour. If they consistently offend than zap them off. If it is one-off rudeness then make sure they know that they are out-of-order and future rudeness will result in disclusion. If those who cause offense on boards behave in the same manner in real life, then they must be pretty lonely people. I would rather they deal with their issues in real life and not just transfer them onto these boards. Aside: OK Karen, now it's time for me to have a go at YOU...*engages maternal instinct* .....What on earth are you doing up at this hour, young lady?? Night time is for sleeping.. and all that stuff about running HB 24-7, well it better not be a literal statement!!! For Heaven's sake, get some rest!! ------------- Uzi |
Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 7:24am
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Karen -- one more thing to consider. There's a huge difference between someone purposely attacking another with harsh words and someone asking a question when someone has posted something that appears to be inconsistent with earlier writing. If you're going to lay a heavy hand of censorship on the forums, then what you have left is a place where everyone nods his says in agreement with no differences of opinion or thoughts whatsoever. The information that Monica gave was very conflicting, given her earlier posts. I'm surprised if she didn't think anyone would notice. Did I attack? I asked her to clarify. If she felt threatened by the question, perhaps she should ponder the reason. Again, if I bought a luxury and then later complained that I had no money to buy shampoo, most people would probably scratch their heads and say, "What......?" Something doesn't add up here. |
Posted By: hairalways
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 9:17am
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As a previous "recipient" of jennifer's harsh opinions, I can tell you that she comes to this board to be offensive. I can't remeber how far back it was that she attacked me and insulted me for trying to help someone who had cut their hair feel better. She claimed that i was forcing them to like their hair, when all I suggested to the person was to love themselves, and their hair, until it came back. Look back in the archives under long hair support. She also made some offensive remarks to me under another post back then (maybe Oct of last year?) . She disappears for awhile, then comes back with her "holier than thou" attitude. Let me say this to you Jennifer.... "let he (or she) who is without sin cast the first stone" She is already making a nice rep for herself on the short hair board. Jacqui ------------- |
Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 9:34am
Attack and insult? I'd say that you would be insulted by nearly anything! Here was the situation: when someone cuts her hair and does not like it, my comment is that although it may sound like you're trying to help by complimenting the person on the haircut, the compliment can also be read as questioning the taste of the person (who cut her hair) but doesn't like it. It's almost as if one is saying, "But the haircut looks great on you, and your taste is in your question if you don't like it." I stated that was one interpretation of complimenting someone on a haircut she doesn't like. Attack? How on earth do you function in real life if you can't accept other opinions? I'll be the first to admit that I can be very brash, but that was certainly not one of the situations. You shouldn't be insulted when opinions don't match your own. Good grief! Oh, and
Actually, you cannot, as you are not a representative of me. That may be your interpretation, but you cannot speak for me. I've been posting at HB for a very long time, and I have to say that I'm surprised at most of the new posters here. Many seem to take offense if anything is questioned or any opinions differ. Posters in the past seemed to be a lot hardier and had a lot more spunk for some great conversations! I simply don't buy into the political correctness philosophy of sanitizing everything I say. If we look to be offended, guaranteed we'll find it. But it seems to be a rather negative view on life. Also, to me, life is too short to allow others to dictate how we feel. |
Posted By: uzma
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 9:36am
That was Jennifer's first post to me on a thread I started to ask everyone's advice on how I should wear my hair on a first date. Relevance = nil. The "inconsistency argument" would work in this case too, but my response was the same as Monica's in this thread. Timing. I do not know whether offense is intended or not, however, it is the outcome in a number of cases. I do not wish to see Jennifer discluded from posting on these board. I would like her to understand that her posts can be aggressive, unduly critical and negative - and that this obviously angers and upsets people. Discussion on these boards can be heated and challenging on many issues. I have participated in many such, without intrusive censorship, with excellent and appropriate Moderator direction. That is healthy and stimulating. But questioning the credibility of others has character defamation as an end-point. That is not the purpose of these boards. We are here to share, learn and grow...together. ------------- Uzi |
Posted By: Unregistered Guest
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 9:40am
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Karen, First of all, you have always been so generous and kind with your censorship of these boards. You try very hard to let people say what they need & want w/out any censorship but you do step up to the plate when people like Jennifer attack on every single board. Maybe it would be best for you to ask Jennifer to go elsewhere. There must be a board somewhere that would appreciate her attacks at every turn which she says is "helpful criticisms." I for one would vote that she leave HairTalk. It would become a much nicer place IMO. Cora |
Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 9:51am
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Uzma, I don't always agree with what you say, but you're one of the few people who isn't acting in the exact same way that (the person) is complaining about! It's rather funny to hear someone complain bitterly about someone else that she claims is complaining bitterly.... As such, my opinion is that you're one class-act babe. (and in case there's any misinterpretation, that was not meant to be a snide remark at all -- it is most sincere!) ------------- |
Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 9:52am
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Cora, I'd suggest that you read all or at least the majority of my posts before you make such sweeping generalizations. ------------- |
Posted By: Karen Shelton
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 1:24pm
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Hi All, Uzma said....... "When a poster is offensive, the offended party has a right to respond publicly as Monica did above. If this is not done on the thread and is taken offline, than it may appear that the offensive comments were true." Yes, the post should stand for others to respond, if it is not high on the scale of rudeness and personal attack. It is for the Moderator to contact the offended party and determine this scale, if it is not blatantly obvious from the post. As for censoring the offending poster, that depends on their overall behaviour. If they consistently offend than zap them off. If it is one-off rudeness then make sure they know that they are out-of-order and future rudeness will result in disclusion. My response........... I totally agree. I also believe that a lot of this can be tied back to posters that go wildly off topic and then ultimately turn the original post so that it focuses on them and their agendas. As example, this thread has gone from being about Monica feeling depressed about her topic to a whole thread about Jennifer as a result of Jennifer going off topic to mention a thread from the cosmetic surgery board that is completely off topic here. So then the entire thread becomes about Jennifer and the original thread is completely lost. At any rate, Dave, who is the Moderator needs to make the call on how to handle this issue here at this thread. I respect Dave and his hard work on making this a wonderful place to post so I am going to leave it up to Dave to make the final determination. This off topic issue can be addressed with tighter rules for posting which will not impact the way the board is monitored. It will just hopefully eliminate OT turns that can degrade into nastiness. Another option is to ignore any posts that you find offensive just as you would a troll who posts to turn attention to themselves. I know it is hard sometimes to ignore posts that seem rude or potentially personal and attacking but sometimes it keeps the thread on track. At any rate, I will be discussing this with Dave later today by phone and I will honor his decisions on this matter. Thanks for all your feedback. Best wishes, Karen ------------- That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger or drives you totally insane. :-) |
Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 1:50pm
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Karen, with all due respect, my post was not completely off-topic. This thread started out as a woman who said she could not afford some hair products. It ties in directly with a post from another forum where she spent literally thousands of dollars on elective cosmetic surgery. Do you see the connection? The situation of how someone can afford to spend thousands of dollars in one area yet not be able to afford a minute fraction of that amount of money is puzzling, to say the least. |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 8:32pm
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Hey everybody, Well, it seems that this thread (and a few others) have been quite active in the past day. I appreciate that Karen was able to step in and "super-moderate." That is no easy feat for someone who also oversees two businesses. (I don't know how she does it). Anyway, back to the issue at hand here... As much ill-will is felt toward Jennifer at the moment, I am reluctant to banish her from this board. She has posted many interesting and thought-provoking messages here over the past several years, and when she posts in this vein, it is a pleasure to read what she has written. However, I am also sensitive to the concerns raised here by several of you. Let's take a moment to review a few of the comments posted here... princessmonica wrote, "...money situations change." Jennifer replied, "It seems to me (and I've done it too!) that we don't "save for a rainy day."" Jennifer seems to say that she understands how this general scenario can happen, yet she questions how princessmonica could have similarly let this general scenario happen to her. Sort of like, "How could you not have known better from what I know today?!" Jennifer, I'm going to ask you (publicly, I regret) to try to be more deliberate in contemplating how you respond to issues which invoke strong emotions... something less confrontational, and more supportive.... I half feel like a hypocrite saying this because I know I'm not perfect, but if I know that I've upset someone else for no constructive purpose, I am sincerely apologetic. I know you well enough to know that you are very intelligent, and, quite frankly, I expect you to manage your participation here with better judgment. I apologize to you for making this admonishment public, but the people who rightfully feel upset by your posts deserve to know that I am prepared to fulfill my role as moderator of this board. Regards to all. ------------- |
Posted By: Jennifer
Date Posted: June 30 2003 at 9:36pm
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Dave, I have to be brutally honest -- I'm rather shocked at how extremely thin-skinned many here appear to be. Some of these guys would have a heart attack if they witnessed a real attack! Some are acting as if I've viciously attacked someone when all I did was question a statement which conflicted with something written on another board. I really wonder how people can function in real life taking offense at anything which doesn't feed their egos! If many are going to be ultra-sensitive and become easily offended, then so be it, but will you also be consistent in admonishing very clear attacks on personalities (the guy on the short hair board allows attacks on people whose opinions he doesn't like)? It seems to me that you can’t pick and choose who you’ll criticize for, umm, criticizing or the perception of criticism. It seems to me extremely inconsistent when it is "wrong" for one person to state her views, yet it's okay for many others to criticize her in much more of a critical tone than she originally delivered. I've participated in many forums over the years, but I've never seen any forum like this one (recently, that is) where people become extremely offended at so very little. I can't imagine giving all that power to someone on the internet. This is really just a forum on the web, and although we are all real people behind these words, I honestly think that some people are taking things way too seriously! Out of respect for you, Dave, I will certainly try to sanitize my views so that no one becomes terribly bent out of shape or psychologically damaged. Hey, let’s all take a deep breath.....! |
Posted By: Jeffrey Hines
Date Posted: July 01 2003 at 1:44pm
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I just have to put my 2 cents in... Sorry but I can't help it. As Dave did, I will post this publicly. I do this so all of our members can learn from this experience. The topic of the forum is "Long Hair Support". When princessmonica made her original post, I imagine she was expecting empathy for other members. What she got instead was a totally off-topic slam from Jennifer. Jennifer, who couldn't possibly have all the facts surrounding princessmonica's financial history and current situation, made an assumption from the what little details she was able to surmise from other posts in other forums and decided to publicly humilate princessmonica over her financial decisions. This in no way fits the topic of "Long Hair Support" or is the kind of behaviour Karen & I expect from members of our message boards. Jennifer, I appreciate all that you have contributed to our forums in the past and hope you will continue to contribute much in the future, but please step back for a moment and think about your original response and how inappropriate it was. Jeff. |
Posted By: DaveDecker
Date Posted: July 01 2003 at 6:46pm
Jennifer, different people have different levels of tolerance for criticism. Sure, I recall seeing far more "vicious" personal attacks on message boards in the past, but it isn't the responsibility of anybody here to "toughen up" anybody else's "skin." Therefore, I believe it's most beneficial to all involved if we try to remain supportive on the Long Hair Support board.
I don't moderate, nor necessarily keep up with, the short hair board (and have not read referenced attacks). If/when they occur here, the focus is on the person who finds themselves at the center of a controversy, especially when it's many against one. It's natural to question, "why is everybody ganging up on that one person?" The merits of the "attacks" -- both ways -- are considered. Tact is valued. There exist many tactful ways to dissent or even "criticize" without leaving the recipient of the dissent feeling disrespected.
Your skin is thick. Be grateful for that.
It's not for you or me or anybody else to decide how much value any one person should place on their interactions in this or any forum. While we may all like long hair, we are all probably very different in many other regards.
Thank you for your consideration, Jennifer. ------------- |
Posted By: Elissa
Date Posted: July 22 2003 at 9:14pm
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Wow, I've been semi-away and have missed a great deal, apparently. I believe that censorship of posts (no matter how offensive) should be avoided in almost all cases. However, when a discussion becomes un- or counterproductive and totally off topic to boot, the thread should be locked by the moderator. Disruptive posters, who only visit to antagonize or disrupt the community (aka trolls!) should be warned once, privately, and then have their ip's banned. I tend to be a diplomatic person and supportive of others, and I know everyone does not share my style, and that's fine. That is what makes the world go 'round--our differences. But at the very least, I think we should all respect our fellow posters, and not write things to others that we would not like to have written to us. I think that's the least we can do for eachother. Elissa -------------  [/url]
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Posted By: Laine1998
Date Posted: July 22 2003 at 11:27pm
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Monica, Back to your original post, I can understand where you're coming from. The only thing that I can really say is that those sales hardly EVER come at a time that is good for me... That was very nice of your Mom to do that for you, I have to tell you, Moms are great!! I do hope that you enjoy your Shampoo and Conditioner, I absoluetly love my All Soft! ------------- |
Posted By: princessmonica
Date Posted: July 23 2003 at 12:40am
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thank you elissa and laine i would like to set the record straight a little. what i forgot to mention was i didn't have the money when the sale was on! i'm married now and things are a little different. ''all soft'' is geat!! it makes my hair really soft ------------- http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders - http://www.msnusers.com/monicasanders |
Posted By: Laine1998
Date Posted: July 23 2003 at 9:47am
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Princess, Thats what I figured. The greatest sales always seem to come inbetween paydays for me!!! At least here on the military bases, they have the big sales at the PX on payday weekend. Its not like that though in the states!!! I'm glad that you like the all soft, I just bought a gallon of the shampoo and conditioner each from my supplier..(gosh that didn't sound good..lol) It was a great deal too!!!! ------------- |