Around Christmas, the unthinkable happened.  My Mother had a stroke. She is paralized throughout her left side of her body... and her mind...  She lives now in a nursing home.  Sometimes she wants to talk.  Sometimes she just doesn't.  She was never like that.  I am not used to this.

 

Then my best friend for 12 years... disappeared.  At first I thought something was wrong.  I called the police to check on him to see if he was ok.  He was not in his apartment.  The landlords found out he left.  He went to Florida... and never told me.  You think someone is a good friend... but they use you and when they leave... they don't say goodbye.

 

So for me... my whole social network is gone.  I am alone.  No one.  And, it's so hard to find friends.  Sometimes I wonder why I even try to have friends.  I like to help people.  I like hair.  I like to give my undless meanderings on the subject hoping I can help someone in a way that can make them feel more comfortable or possitive about themselves.

 

But, sometimes, I get the feelings that everything I do, everything I feel, everything that is unique about me... is nothing, not important... no value... no worth.  I am ot afraid of death... just pain. Do I even make a difference on this site?