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Hi Debbie,
It is completely understandable that you do not have any more emotional energy left over to cope with your daughter’s marital issues right now. You are entitled to your time to grieve and to process the loss of your mother. Sometimes the only way to really accept a tragedy is to allow yourself the necessary time to grieve, cry, and just let out all your emotions. Take all the time you need and make sure you deal with your feelings.
Your daughter is a grown woman, she will be able to manage this and get through this on her own. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be there for her and discuss this with her later on down the line but right now she should understand that it isn’t a good time.
It is good that you told her you did not want to get involved, just let her know right now you need time to heal yourself and you cannot handle any added stress. It’s not right for her to use your grandkids as pawns but just know that they will be okay and that when you are ready you can always immense yourself in your family duties and responsibilities again.
Sometimes it is a good idea to just sit back, relax and have some alone time alone even if this means turning off your cell phone and cutting yourself off for a few hours a day to do something for yourself.
The loss of a loved one is difficult to cope with. 3 years ago I had never lost anyone close to me, and while I was finishing my exams for my psychology degree my uncle passed away, and my aunt was on her death bed. I studied in the hospital every day to be by her side and had to watch her wither away and finally pass on. Right after I graduated university a few months after the funeral I got married and while I was on my honeymoon my grandmother who I was very close to passed away. 3 deaths, final exams and a huge wedding and honeymoon that I had been planning for two years all happened in a matter of months." You don't realize how strong you can be until being strong is the only option you have" It was something I was unaccustomed to dealing with and with my granny I still have a hard time accepting it. As hard as this is to believe time does help heal the wound, you may not be able to hold the person in your arms but you can always cherish their memory and never let them die in your heart. Allow your faith whatever that may be to help you through it.
Good luck.
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