hair length, family comments

When I was growing up, my mother always insisted that I wear my hair short and boyishly. Chin length, brown, waves making the hair look flyaway, parted in the center, bangs. I guess it was a rather common little girl's haircut for the early 70's, because I recall my playmates having similar cuts.

You may say that this has lead to a lifelong hair obsession, but I would rather call it an interest. When I was 11 I decided that I wanted long hair, and would not have anyone talk me out of it. 10 years ago when I wanted to try going blond, a double-processed fiasco left me cutting my hair much like it was in my childhood. That cemented my belief that I just do not look good in shorter hair, period.

Now, I am in my 30's. I have had some style of bra-strap length hair since I grew out my blond haystack and I lighten it to a brownish red that is almost red enough to be auburn. Fortunately now there are many wonderful styling products that reshape natural curls and waves to look like curls and waves, and I have been able to reduce the frizzy flyaway look. I prefer to wear my hair up during the workday and down when I am around my husband, who loves my long hair.

Now to the dilemma. My stylist trimmed my bangs and front layers a little shorter than I prefer to wear them. As a result, I have decided to grow all of the layers out on the top of my head, bangs and everything. My hair is starting to get a bit scraggly looking to the point where a few people, mainly my husbands family, is noticing.

My seventy-something mother-in-law, whom I love very much, has subscribed to the your-hair-shouldn't-be-long-if-you-are -over-thirty mindset, and is now repeatedly asking me why I do not get my hair cut. This escalated when we went out shopping in preparation for a Fathers Day meal, and on our rounds we stopped to get wine to go with the meal. The store clerk asked for my ID (which usually happens anyway, because I don't have a very sophisticated-looking face), and now my mother-in-law is on this kick where she thinks I will be taken "more seriously" if I cut off my hair.

This is not an earth shattering problem, but it is annoying. I have a successful career and a very good marriage to a terrific guy. My world is not perfect, I have not been blessed with very good health, but obviously that has nothing to do with hair length.

I believe that once my bangs grow to a neater, more stylable length, that her comments will go away. I don't feel the need to stand up to her or perform some sort of confrontation, but I do wish that she would find something else to talk about when we are together.

Any suggestions, anyone?

Your mother-in-law probably means well, but you cannot listen to her outmoded comments. Hair too long at 30? What garbage! The older generation *never* approve. My hair was too long in the 70s and is too short now. You seem to be showing a little insecurity when you say that you haven't a "sophisticated face". Never mind that, just rejoice in being taken for someone younger than yourself. And if your own mindset is right, you won't worry about your hair, which sounds OK to me anyway.

Diane is right, your husband loves your long hair. Reason enough not to worry about it!

Maybe your mother in law notices it more because you are trying to grow out your bangs, and that is never easy regardless of what kind of hair you have.

My mother is older too, she is 61, and I am 27. I don't think people of their generation really understand wanting to change hairstyles, and that it is not always fast or easy. I wore my hair very short for most of my life, especially when I was in high school and college and playing lots of sports. I thought short hair on women athletes symbolized power and I loved having closely cropped hair.

Last year I decided that I did not want short hair anymore. Its funny, because I started growing my hair seems like the same time everyone in Hollywood started cutting theirs. Well, my hair grows sloooooooowly. And I had an awful in- between stage that lasted for I think a year or more. Every time I saw my mother she asked when I was going to get my hair "cleaned up".

I finally got sick of her comments once and made a joke about how she always had such great ideas, I wish she had a great idea for growing hair faster. She laughed, and we started joking about old superstitions. Now my hair looks more like a style (almost sholder length) and less like an in between stage. Mom hasn't said anything more.

Maybe you can make a joke about growing out your bangs and divert your mother in law's thoughts to something else?

Maria C.

typo...I meant to say that it is nice to see the world will not end...