QuoteReplyTopic: Help! My mom wants to cut off my beautiful long hair short for summer school! EEK! Posted: June 25 2004 at 12:48am
My long blond hair makes me who I am. My mom is still adement that my hair has to go as summer is approaching, but I believe she is upset because of my grades. What should I Do? I just want to run away!
If your mother is upset about your grades, go talk to her about them. She wants you to want to try harder in school. And she wants to know that you honestly care to try harder. Maybe (I'm just guessing) she is threatening to cut your hair as a way to get your attention. It comes down to this -- and the decision is yours -- you'll either both be happy, or both be unhappy.
I thought I would never do this but I have to agree with DaveDecker on this one. He has some good advice. Communication is the key - not arguing or running away. Find out exactly why she wants your hair cut...if it is for grades...come up with an alternative...be harsh on yourself (you shouldn't be in summer school!) If it is for other reasons, deal with that - maybe you could get several inches taken off to make it look healthier or get long layers....it all depends on what your mom's reason is - good luck
I have to agree you should talk it over, but not that you should "reach a compromise". There's no such thing as a compromise in this situation, it's *still* being cut, and she's only doing it as a ridiculous punishment.
Do what I did with my mom: Tell her if she tries it you WILL retaliate physically and back it up. Nothing backs off a controlling parent like the kid growing some claws of her own. i actually had to punck my mom in the face when I was 14 for her to get the message.
Kuroneko
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In a way, I'm torn on what to say. On one hand, I only wish I had your problem, as I had the total opposite-- parents who wouldn't allow me to get haircuts when I wanted to. On the other hand, my own experience with controlling parents makes me sympathetic to what you're saying. . . Blee. . . Okay, I guess the best thing I can say is, if a child isn't doing what he or she is supposed to, parents often punish them by taking away something important to them. For a lot of kids, that's telephone or video games, but apparently your mother knows your hair is important to you, and thinks taking that away would be the most effective punishment. Firstly, I would suggest trying harder in school and making better grades so she wouldn't have to punish you. Secondly, talk to your mother and make sure she knows and sees you putting forth more effort, so maybe she'll go easy on you. You can't expect to talk her down from punishing you and then go right back to making bad grades again :-P . If you do go on making bad grades, I would say she has every right to punish you in any legal way she sees fit, anything to push the importance of education into your head.
No, she does not have the right to punish her in any way possible. This only leads the way to abuse. There is more than just physical abuse, I've seen people been horribly emotionally abused by their parents and come out a horribly wreck, just as scarred as someone who'd been physically abused.
Hair is a part of someone, her mother has no right to destroy something tha someoen holds so dear, ESPECIALLY a part of their body!
It never solves anything, it just leaves them angry for the rest of their teens.
A parent isn't there to punish. A parent is there to love and nurture. A child should only be expected to give love and respect back, not cut their f**king hair off.
I don't care what law or tradition says, it's wrong.
If someone is gettign bad grades; maybe it's just because they're not able? I've seen people that studied 3 times as me for the LEaving Certa, and only got 300 points as opposed to my 420. It's wrong to punish someone for what they're not able for.
Some of this is good advice and some of you sound like children yourselves. Anyone who says that parents should never punish their children has never had children and has no clue how hard a job being a parent is. Recommending hitting your parent is as bad as recommending a parent hit a child. Parents should never be physically or verbally abusive and should always instill their children with self-confidence. That's not always so easy.
Punishment and reward are part of parenting. If all parents were perfect, there might be no need for either. But parents, as well as children, are flawed individuals. Punishment should be avoided if possible, but sometimes it's the only way to get through to children. Time-outs, or even the threat of time-outs, can have a big impact on small children. Taking away something important later in life can really scare someone into better behavior.
If a teenager drinks, does drugs, or other unacceptable behavior, the parent has to act. Doing nothing is irresponsible.
Assuming this person isn't a troll, there may be good reasons why the mom is threatening to cut her hair. It may be a prized possession. It may be a distraction from her school work. The information isn't here. Most parents don't do things just because they're mean and without cause. I'd guess that's true in this case. This girl seems to have gotten the message. And if she hasn't, she will if her mom gets the girl's hair cut short. It will grow back. It's only hair. Maybe that's the message needed.
Of course, I have no idea if the mother is overreacting and the punishment is warranted. Communication is important and I hope both can be responsible enough to do that.
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Cynthia wrote:
My long blond hair makes me who I am. My mom is still adement that my hair has to go as summer is approaching, but I believe she is upset because of my grades. What should I Do? I just want to run away!
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I've just seen far too many intelligent children make crappy grades in school because of laziness, when I know they should be capable of more. It's annoying and frustrating to see children not living up to their potential, thus I'm on the side of any parent who does what it takes to get their children learning. Children who honestly don't have the intelligence to make good grades on-level can be moved to special ed classes where they can learn at a slower pace, and be encouraged by good grades on work they can do rather than feeling stupid because they can't make good grades in mainstream classes. With time and patience, even special-needs children can perform better than most people would give them credit for, so I can't really even see that as an excuse for low grades. And certainly children with full physical and mental abilities should be expected to perform well, as they haven't got anything to blame if they don't.
ome of this is good advice and some of you sound like children yourselves. Anyone who says that parents should never punish their children has never had children and has no clue how hard a job being a parent is.
No, I never suggested that. I just think that certain punishments should be "Out of bounds" just as certain actions for a child should be.
Things like not giving pocket money, or making them stay in for a night, and reasonable punishments (depending on circumstance), drastically altering the part of their childs appearance is not. It doesn't matter about your past experiences as a parent, there are some things as a human being you just don't do.
I count that as physical violence, as it is defacing part of the body against the child's will. At least broken legs heal quicker. If you ask me it's *much* worse than being beaten, it's a complete drain of confidence for a person.
So, if necessary, it is defendable by physical violence. For instance, if the mother gets the scissors out, I would knock her back and threaten to cut her hair off, or scratch her face; but I should hope it would NEVER EVER come to that, that's not a way to solve problems as I said already; it's only in an emergency when you're physically forced into it, in which case you have a right to fight back.
Although I do think for the most part punishment can be ineffective, which is why psychologists tend to recommend a more reward based system for unruly children; hate only teaches hate and should only be used when necessary.
A parent has no right to physically alter their child in such a way that will cause them serious trauma (if I lost my hair, it would).
I know being a parent is hard, but plenty of things are hard; you can still *be* a Bad parent, logically. You can't use it as an excuse in this situation; why would someone so horribly?
Punishment is often little more than a vessel for revenge.
As for test results, you don't have to be mentally handicapped to do bad! "Limits" don't mean low limits. I don't think I could have done any better than I could have, really. I just wasn't able to. I'm not able to concentrate that long.
Just because you can do well, doesn't mean you can do the best.
Everyone's good at things in different amounts, parents often don't like to believe that School work is one of these things, because they don't understand.
It's not just about "Putting work in" it's about being able to work in the first place. If you're not fit, you can't climb a mountain as easy as someone who is. You could try, but you might pass out on the way.
That's *exactly* what it is. Cutting off someone's hair is a military punishment, and should never be excercised by a parent, or anyone for that matter.
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Cynthia wrote:
My long blond hair makes me who I am. My mom is still adement that my hair has to go as summer is approaching, but I believe she is upset because of my grades. What should I Do? I just want to run away!
To funny... someones feeding the trolls...lol
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I also strongly suspect that the original post was written by someone trolling.
And anyone who punishes their children by cutting their hair is in my opinion going far further than what can be acceptable for parental discipine. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATEVER would I accept such a draconian punishment as warranted and consider anyone and everyone who has punished their child in this and other extreme ways to be a child abuser. Period.
Short hair can be cute and/or sexy. If mom is punishing you, then beat her to the punch. Find a great looking short style, a bob or pixie will do and come home with the new style as a surpise. By this you have taken away her power play and probably will find that you not only look great but love the new style yourself.
My wife had long blond hair and then cut it into the Josie Bissett look from the early Melrose days. She couldn't go out without someone asking where she got her hair cut because they wanted to go there and get the same cut.
That's a nasty thing to say. I knew someone would say it though. You're a short hair/hair cutting fetishist/obsessive and just want her to do away with it for that reason.
She already stated her hair is what makes her who she is (providing she's not a troll), so the last thing she wants to hear is that she'll look good in short hair.
And that psychology doesn't work, because presumably her mother has already been telling her to cut her hair herself, so it would be a complete victory for her.
All you're doing is providing an extra push for her to do something she doesn't want to do; stop it. I know how she feels, provided she is real of course.
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It's so refreshing to see you resort to name calling. I don't think you know me or apparently anything about teenage phsychology. Sure people get emotionally attached to their hair and sure the mom gets to gloat over the short cut, but the mom loses the power to always threaten and abuse the mental state of the teenager. In the long run, this is more important.
The issue is not the haircut, it's the leverage the parent has with the threat. Remove the leverage. No one should be held back or restrained by the emotional attachment to something as superficial as length of their hair, color, piercings, etc. Find the inner self and find true happiness.
I suppose you advocate men not removing body jewelry or covering tatoos before interviews as well. I can easily say my tatoos "make me who I am", but they still result in discrimination in the workplace no matter how popular they are in today's pop culture.
I was similarly threatened as a teenager and was emotionally attached to my eighties big hair. Now, I am raising teenagers and volunteer with youth groups year round. I speak from experience, education and training, not from emotions or fetish cravings.
From where do you come...oh yeah, the VINES. Apparently, archaic, outdated jungle vines where women are to be dragged around by their long flowing locks.
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Cynthia wrote:
