Banishing Bad Hair Days since 1997!™
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Wheres TRUE LOVE
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Forum LockedWheres TRUE LOVE

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Steven C. View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steven C. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Wheres TRUE LOVE
    Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:49am
In all the comments I have recently read on this message board I am somewhat concerned over the common trend of thought being portrayed.It seems that love is loosely and solely being based on the fact that a woman must keep her hair in order to keep her mate. Worse yet, that she couldn't possibly love a man if she was willing to cut her hair without his consent. WELCOME TO THE DARK AGES!!!!I for one love long hair - BUT - I do not base my love on it nor do I place this conditional clause or estoppel on my mate! For gosh sakes people - LOVE MEANS MORE THAN EXTERIOR APPEARANCE.The question I have to ask is this. Did you fall in love with the person (soul) or the hair? If the person - thank GOD - if the hair - how shallow! Tell me this - If a person were to loose her hair and her face in a fire - do you leave them? Love is put to the true test in this case for sure and it is extreme.However, If a mate is willing to break up a love relationship based on a hair cut, or a woman/man is thinking he or she will lose a man because they want to cut all their hair off, then was there really a loving relationship? Someone of great stature and who walked the earth for only a short time once exhibited and said - true love is unconditional and comes freely without prejudice. Not death, not life, not powers, not present, not things to come, not any creature shall seperate that which love has brought together.A true relationship should be based on the inner workings of two souls that have joined together and vow to not part. For the outer shell is just that, it changes and it dies. But true love surpasses all understanding and lives on forever.A woman / man should be able to choose her hair style with the support of their partner.Please people - don't place the guilt trips on a woman or man to keep long hair because this is why he /she loves you. If it be true love - it won't matter.
Back to Top
Laura Jane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Laura Jane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:49am
Thank you for saying that! This board is the last place I would have expected to find so many people advocating oppression, and I have to say I also find it disturbing. I think the whole discussion on whether or not to cut one's hair against a spouse's preference has lost perspective.First of all, for those who say that a woman ought not to cut her hair if her husband prefers it long, I have a question - do you impose the same standard on husbands as on wives? If a wife prefers that her husband not shave off his beard, is he bound by the same obligation that you place on a woman not to cut her hair? If you impose the same standards, I don't necessarily agree with you, but I can respect your viewpoint. However, if you don't require the same consideration from a man as from a woman, there's no point in further discussion between us, because our basic assumptions disagree, and I doubt anyone's are going to be changed.Second, keep in mind that circumstances change. Marriages are not static, and to require that people remain the same as they were before they married is not only unrealistic to the point of impossibility, but is also a denial of the possibility of growth. What a hopeless picture!Third, people in a relationship need to have consideration for each other - that means both people. That means that if a woman's hair is truly making her miserable, her husband has the obligation to consider that too. It means that both spouses have the obligation to consider each other's wishes, but it does NOT mean that they are obligated to abide by them at all times and in all circumstances. It also means that if a husband wants his wife to keep her hair long, and she feels it is too much work, too expensive, etc., he needs to be sensitive to those issues. Perhaps he should participate in taking care of her hair, or trim it for her to save on the cost of salon visits.I speak on this as a married person who has dealt with some of these issues. Years ago, before we were married, my husband asked me to grow my hair long. (It was then chin-length, which I still think is the most flattering on me.) I agreed to try it, but made it clear from the beginning that if I found it to be too much trouble or it got too expensive or irritating, I would cut it short again.He agreed to help take care of it, since on me long hair is a lot more work than short. (This is not true of everyone, but it emphatically is for me - I can spend less than 10 minutes a day - including washing - on my hair when it is chin-length and have it look the way I like, but when it is long, I spend at least an hour, what with washing, conditioning, detangling, putting it up, braiding it at night, etc.) He also agreed that he would not pressure me or give me a guilt trip if I decided long hair was too much work, because he knew that if I made that decision, it would be because it was making me more miserable than it was making him happy.My husband trims my split ends, and periodically does overall trims to keep my ends even. I haven't been to a salon (except to buy hair-care products) in over 5 years. He also helps me wash and condition it. He's tried to learn to help me put it up, but that just hasn't gone well, so I've let him out of that part of the deal - he tried, but it just didn't work.Just some thoughts from someone who has dealt with this...Laura Janelswanson@sunflower.bio.indiana.edu
Back to Top
Diane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:49am
You know what Laura Jane you just said in your message that you discussed and you are honest with your husband and that is what its all about. You write all this but you Laura are very honest and careful in your marriage. I am bet that you wouldn't do anything drastic to upset your husband and you would gently discussed things. That is my point period. Not everyone is so honest and do things and it ends up damaging their relationship. Small things add up to huge things and next time we know we have a situation that can't be solved!>All this discussion started with Mary's posting. I would like to see that she considered her partner's feelings about the hair thing.Thank you for saying that! This board is the last> place I would have expected to find so many people> advocating oppression, and I have to say I also find> it disturbing. I think the whole discussion on whether> or not to cut one's hair against a spouse's preference> has lost perspective.> First of all, for those who say that a woman ought not> to cut her hair if her husband prefers it long, I have> a question - do you impose the same standard on> husbands as on wives? If a wife prefers that her> husband not shave off his beard, is he bound by the> same obligation that you place on a woman not to cut> her hair? If you impose the same standards, I don't> necessarily agree with you, but I can respect your> viewpoint. However, if you don't require the same> consideration from a man as from a woman, there's no> point in further discussion between us, because our> basic assumptions disagree, and I doubt anyone's are> going to be changed.> Second, keep in mind that circumstances change.> Marriages are not static, and to require that people> remain the same as they were before they married is> not only unrealistic to the point of impossibility,> but is also a denial of the possibility of growth.> What a hopeless picture!> Third, people in a relationship need to have> consideration for each other - that means both people.> That means that if a woman's hair is truly making her> miserable, her husband has the obligation to consider> that too. It means that both spouses have the> obligation to consider each other's wishes, but it> does NOT mean that they are obligated to abide by them> at all times and in all circumstances. It also means> that if a husband wants his wife to keep her hair> long, and she feels it is too much work, too> expensive, etc., he needs to be sensitive to those> issues. Perhaps he should participate in taking care> of her hair, or trim it for her to save on the cost of> salon visits.> I speak on this as a married person who has dealt with> some of these issues. Years ago, before we were> married, my husband asked me to grow my hair long. (It> was then chin-length, which I still think is the most> flattering on me.) I agreed to try it, but made it> clear from the beginning that if I found it to be too> much trouble or it got too expensive or irritating, I> would cut it short again.> He agreed to help take care of it, since on me long> hair is a lot more work than short. (This is not true> of everyone, but it emphatically is for me - I can> spend less than 10 minutes a day - including washing -> on my hair when it is chin-length and have it look the> way I like, but when it is long, I spend at least an> hour, what with washing, conditioning, detangling,> putting it up, braiding it at night, etc.) He also> agreed that he would not pressure me or give me a> guilt trip if I decided long hair was too much work,> because he knew that if I made that decision, it would> be because it was making me more miserable than it was> making him happy.> My husband trims my split ends, and periodically does> overall trims to keep my ends even. I haven't been to> a salon (except to buy hair-care products) in over 5> years. He also helps me wash and condition it. He's> tried to learn to help me put it up, but that just> hasn't gone well, so I've let him out of that part of> the deal - he tried, but it just didn't work.> Just some thoughts from someone who has dealt with> this...> Laura Jane> lswanson@sunflower.bio.indiana.edu
Back to Top
Jennifer J View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jennifer J Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
> It seems that love is loosely and solely being based> on the fact that a woman must keep her hair in order> to keep her mate. Worse yet, that she couldn't> possibly love a man if she was willing to cut her hair> without his consent. WELCOME TO THE DARK AGES!!!!> I for one love long hair - BUT - I do not base my love> on it nor do I place this conditional clause or> estoppel on my mate! For gosh sakes people - LOVE> MEANS MORE THAN EXTERIOR APPEARANCE.Thank you Steven for a needed bit of sanity around here.To put this in a different bit of perspective... I have a close friend who's combatting cancer at the moment. He has absolutely lovely, nearly waist length hair. Right now it looks like he won't have to have chemo, but it's not certain. When his girlfriend found out you know what she said? "You'll look great with a buzz cut!" It's a horrible thing to think about... but people do get cancer, or other problems that may make keeping and caring for long hair difficult or impossible. Maybe our lives or circumstances change. We can't know at the beginning of our lives what we will want 10, 20 or 30 years in the future. Love and marriage is about comitting to weather those changes... regardless.-jennifer j
Back to Top
Diane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
Unbelievable!!! Its so sugar coated its unreal.Welcome to the dark ages? I think you are still in it because you miss the whole point but again you are from Mars! You are showing it.Mr. Steven C if you were such a man of the world you would have read between the messages and really heard the meaning which is to communicate and be honest and sincere with your mate. True love doesn't grow on tress nor you can buy it in the Supermarket. Hell! True love comes when we get the message that the other person is sincere, kinds, respectful, unselfish etc but Mr. C you will never be able to tell me that your eyes don't travel when you see a pretty face.YOu go back and read at least my messages and you will be out the dark ages!!> In all the comments I have recently read on this> message board I am somewhat concerned over the common> trend of thought being portrayed.> It seems that love is loosely and solely being based> on the fact that a woman must keep her hair in order> to keep her mate. Worse yet, that she couldn't> possibly love a man if she was willing to cut her hair> without his consent. WELCOME TO THE DARK AGES!!!!> I for one love long hair - BUT - I do not base my love> on it nor do I place this conditional clause or> estoppel on my mate! For gosh sakes people - LOVE> MEANS MORE THAN EXTERIOR APPEARANCE.> The question I have to ask is this. Did you fall in> love with the person (soul) or the hair? If the person> - thank GOD - if the hair - how shallow! Tell me this> - If a person were to loose her hair and her face in a> fire - do you leave them? Love is put to the true test> in this case for sure and it is extreme.> However, If a mate is willing to break up a love> relationship based on a hair cut, or a woman/man is> thinking he or she will lose a man because they want> to cut all their hair off, then was there really a> loving relationship? Someone of great stature and who> walked the earth for only a short time once exhibited> and said - true love is unconditional and comes freely> without prejudice. Not death, not life, not powers,> not present, not things to come, not any creature> shall seperate that which love has brought together.> A true relationship should be based on the inner> workings of two souls that have joined together and> vow to not part. For the outer shell is just that, it> changes and it dies. But true love surpasses all> understanding and lives on forever.> A woman / man should be able to choose her hair style> with the support of their partner.> Please people - don't place the guilt trips on a woman> or man to keep long hair because this is why he /she> loves you. If it be true love - it won't matter.
Back to Top
Diane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
I am very sorry about your friend Jennifer. Noone said that its the looks that dictate love Jennifer. That wasn't my message. It was honest, communication etc.> Thank you Steven for a needed bit of sanity around> here.> To put this in a different bit of perspective... I> have a close friend who's combatting cancer at the> moment. He has absolutely lovely, nearly waist length> hair. Right now it looks like he won't have to have> chemo, but it's not certain. When his girlfriend found> out you know what she said? "You'll look great> with a buzz cut!" It's a horrible thing to think> about... but people do get cancer, or other problems> that may make keeping and caring for long hair> difficult or impossible. Maybe our lives or> circumstances change. We can't know at the beginning> of our lives what we will want 10, 20 or 30 years in> the future. Love and marriage is about comitting to> weather those changes... regardless.> -jennifer j
Back to Top
Steven C. View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steven C. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
Hi Diane,No pot shots or nasty grams - just a question.If you really wanted to cut your hair off - would it matter what anyone else wanted? If so why?Remeber Venus is a long ways off and very cold. Mars is at least a little closer to home.Steve C.
Back to Top
Diane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
> Hi Diane,> No pot shots or nasty grams - just a question.> If you really wanted to cut your hair off - would it> matter what anyone else wanted? If so why?> Remeber Venus is a long ways off and very cold. Mars> is at least a little closer to home.> Steve C.Oh Steve you are leaving yourself open to this.Okay Steve are you sure that you done all your research on these two planets?Because Mars is the fourth Planet from the Sun. and yes it is closer to earth. But in Roman mythology Mars is the god of war.Venus being my planet t as I am LIbra and a woman, is the second planet from the Sun, the most brilliant object in the heavens except the Sun and the moon.IN Roman Mythology , Venus is the Goddess of spring, bloom and beauty.What exactly point you were trying to make there???? ( laughing) I love winning my debate. You are too easy.You did not do your researched.Now for the question.Well first of all I have to say that its a stupid question to ask me as I am a strong beleiver in long hair and it would be a very cold day in hell that any men would discourage me from having long hair. Their bags were be pack at the door period.My line would be " Get out of my hair"During the past sixteen years of my marriage I can easily say that I never done anything to my hair without discussing it with my husband as my husband has never stop using cologne as it is my greatest weaknessI would have raise major hell on the cologne topic and the hair topic but we understood that part of our passion most of the time. ONe time a drunk petted my hair and my husband was jealous and demanded me to cut my hair and all hell was raised . I have my hair and jealously doesn't belong in my life period .I believe in relationships and I believe in honesty, I believe in showing consideration for the other person.
Back to Top
Robert View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: April 21 2003
Status: Offline
Points: 1
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Robert Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
> Remeber Venus is a long ways off and very cold. Mars> is at least a little closer to home.Actually, Venus is closer to Earth on average than Mars is, and its surface is hot enough to melt lead. Mars on the other hand is bitterly cold -- cold enough at the polar caps to freeze carbon dioxide.Let's turn the question around a bit. I once dated a woman who hated beards. If I had married her, would it be right for me to grow a beard just because I was tired of shaving? Now, of course I would have a right to do so, but would it be fair to my wife?Robert
Back to Top
Steve C View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steve C Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:50am
OH BOY - DID I STEP IN THAT ONE.ASTRONOMER I AM NOT - What was the first clue>Oh Well.The Fact is I still believe love means without condition. Yes I believe in openess and talking about changes - however, I do believe a woman has the right to make changes in her appearance as she deems necessary for her nad without hinderance. I love my lady with long blonde waist length hair but I married her when it was cut above her ears. She made the choice to grow it and she will make the choice to cut it (maybe). I am just the wonderfully happy partner that loves her for whatever she chooses to be.I am so glad that everyone has their own opinions in this life. It would be very boring sparring with people of the same thought. HA HATake care Diane - glad you are a woman of conviction and hold to your guns - Do you want a Job?Steve C
Back to Top
Diane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
> Actually, Venus is closer to Earth on average than> Mars is, and its surface is hot enough to melt lead.> Mars on the other hand is bitterly cold -- cold enough> at the polar caps to freeze carbon dioxide.> Let's turn the question around a bit. I once dated a> woman who hated beards. If I had married her, would it> be right for me to grow a beard just because I was> tired of shaving? Now, of course I would have a right> to do so, but would it be fair to my wife?> RobertI don't understand why you are asking me that question. YOu know what I will answer. I mentioned many times and its the same story and I am sticking to it.It comes down to communication , sharing etc. Robert you would have known how she felt. Personally I don't understand why you are asking me that question.
Back to Top
Diane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
> OH BOY - DID I STEP IN THAT ONE.> ASTRONOMER I AM NOT - What was the first clue>> Oh Well.> The Fact is I still believe love means without> condition. Yes I believe in openess and talking about> changes - however, I do believe a woman has the right> to make changes in her appearance as she deems> necessary for her nad without hinderance. I love my> lady with long blonde waist length hair but I married> her when it was cut above her ears. She made the> choice to grow it and she will make the choice to cut> it (maybe). I am just the wonderfully happy partner> that loves her for whatever she chooses to be.> I am so glad that everyone has their own opinions in> this life. It would be very boring sparring with> people of the same thought. HA HA> Take care Diane - glad you are a woman of conviction> and hold to your guns - Do you want a Job?> Steve CHold the thoughts here. I bet you were attracted to her because she has long blonde hair down to her waist along with the personality. You are so funny. Its amazing.Yes I am very much a woman of conviction and I don't bend under pressure. Iam tough. I fight for justice, kindness to our seniors etc. I fight for a kinder and more sincere society. A job now that is an interesting topic.Do you know that I lost my last job because the president of the company noticed her husband checking out my long hair and my legs? Why didn't she grow her hair knowing he loves long hair? Now that is a good example of not having any consideration in the marriage and I paid for being innoceant in the whole thing.What kind of job you are talking about? ( laughing)
Back to Top
Diane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
> I don't understand why you are asking me that> question. YOu know what I will answer. I mentioned> many times and its the same story and I am sticking to> it.> It comes down to communication , sharing etc. Robert> you would have known how she felt. Personally I don't> understand why you are asking me that question.I bet you didn't like the fact that your girlfriend hated beards. I am very sorry to hear that. It must have bothered you.I personally would have hated the fact that some guy would dislike the fact I have long hair and I would have dump him before married.My husband years before I met him had a situation that his future sister in law demanded that he shaved off his mustache or he wouldn't be able to be the best man. He shaved it. Now I was upset when I heard this years later. I don't think that was very fair. I think that was very selfish on her part to demand something like that to her future brother in law. She was marrying the brother what would it have mattered if her brother in law had a mustache or not. Well she has to live with it as he does have one now.
Back to Top
Robert View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: April 21 2003
Status: Offline
Points: 1
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Robert Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
> I don't understand why you are asking me that> question. YOu know what I will answer. I mentioned> many times and its the same story and I am sticking to> it.Actually, I was asking Steven that question, as my message was a response to something he wrote. I guess my failure to change the "To Diane" subject caused some confusion.Sorry about that.Robert
Back to Top
Robert View Drop Down
Newbie
Newbie


Joined: April 21 2003
Status: Offline
Points: 1
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Robert Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
> I bet you didn't like the fact that your girlfriend> hated beards. I am very sorry to hear that. It must> have bothered you.Didn't bother me at all, actually. I don't wear any facial hair. Now and again I toy with the idea of growing a beard, but so far I haven't tried since college over ten years ago. The results were not good back then.> I personally would have hated the fact that some guy> would dislike the fact I have long hair and I would> have dump him before married.I think the bottom line is if hair is important to someone they should find someone for whom it is just as important. I wouldn't want my wife to just have long hair, I would want her to love it.Robert
Back to Top
Steve View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Steve Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:51am
Some response - you need to read the wording a little better on my last message. Maybe put aside the fighting attitude and re-read it. Not every man is an enemy - though I gather they are in your eyes.> Hold the thoughts here. I bet you were attracted to> her because she has long blonde hair down to her waist> along with the personality. You are so funny. Its> amazing.My last message stated very clearly - I met my wife when her hair was cut above her ears. Pretty tough to fall in love with that long blonde hair when it didn't exist. I fell in love with her.> What kind of job you are talking about? ( laughing)No job offer now - It was in Arbitration and you need a strong stomach - but not a man hating attitude. Gets you no where in life to hate anyone because of their gender or otherwise. All bets off on your ability to settle matters.My last post was one of admitting fault and trying to be polite - but lady -you have it bad from every post in here. I would suggest that you make friends and not enemy's and quit being so bitter about the past. You have a future ahead of you where you are in control. Don't blow it by carrying your baggage with you - because it shows!
Back to Top
Diane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:52am
There is a good book on the market called Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. I would suggest you read it because this is a very good example.I wasn't even attacking you . IN fact I am shock of your angry.You mentioned that you are glad that I am a woman of conviction and I was only agreeing with you.Now you took that as a fight. I was agreeing with you not against you. YOu gave me a compliment and I accepted it.I am an Intelligent woman that has spents years making my community a better place. I have been recognized many times for it. I can easily tell you that in 20 years or less I will be in other countries caring for the poor. I have lots of experience in culture and nationalities . I am very well respected in the field of my expertise in my city. I am also a spoke person for an international company.I have jobs that demands a people oriented personality with sometinmes demands to be tough and organized.and I have proven my abilities many times . I have a very good understanding of emotions and have made a point of understanding the human behavior. I have studied and will continue to study that that field to improve life.I didn't have to answer you Steve. I don't need your approval in life. I have done alright on my path and will continue to grow on that path and have learned fromt the very best in the field.Its too bad that you are showing your true colors. There was no reasons for anger.
Back to Top
Diane View Drop Down
Unregistered
Unregistered
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Diane Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 12 2000 at 2:52am
> Didn't bother me at all, actually. I don't wear any> facial hair. Now and again I toy with the idea of> growing a beard, but so far I haven't tried since> college over ten years ago. The results were not good> back then.> I think the bottom line is if hair is important to> someone they should find someone for whom it is just> as important. I wouldn't want my wife to just have> long hair, I would want her to love it.> RobertI am glad to hear that it didn't bothered you about the beard.I also agree with you and it comes down to communication ,etc/ We are saying the same thing but we had diffrrent ways of saying it. Have a nice Weekend
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down


Copyright 1997-2020, hairboutique.com, All Rights Reserved.
Terms of Service, Privacy Statement, Advertise, Contact Us, Press, Disclaimer