my parents hate my long hair

Parents have the responsibility to provide for the child they chose to give life to, but not the right to take that child's expression away.

Alot of love and support goes a long way.

Uzma, what you said touched me to the core... about the sacrifice made in order to please others having a price. I lived that price, and perhaps this is why in my 25 years of being a parent I worked hard at being understanding, fair, and not dictative. Supportive, corrective, and offering guidance... always.

My kids learned from me and their own choices. Sometimes the life lessons do hurt. Yet we are all very close. We don't agree on all things. That's okay. I love each one, and each son is so different from the next. They all grew to who they are today, and hopefully are continuing to grow.

My second oldest son dressed in a way sometimes that could have brought embarrassment to me... but I valued him as a person more than the stranger's glances or look of disapproval. He "found" himself in time, and it wasn't for me to dictate how he was to find himself. That would have only brought interference and distraction to him and perhaps delayed his personal growth.

Today he is a starving musician. Very talented. Sense this is a hair board I will mention that he has the most wonderful long curly hair. He has beautifully done tatoos. (I dislike tattos, but some are truly works of art). He is a gentle soul that would give you his coat and shirt even if it were his last.

I try not to judge, but I do. Because sometimes when I see a super clean cut kid (like one of my son's) who is simulating their parents ways, I think there are deeper issues involved and that there is really a passive rebellion going on. Still waters run deep, very deep sometimes.

Just my thoughts,
wittils

Uzma,

Modern western societies accept almost any kind of behavior and fashion style, from every kind of sexuality to any kind of fashion, to almost any kind of behavior. There are even groups trying to legalize not only gay and lesbian marriages but much more extreme things like pedophlia! There has never been, and I'm sure you know this if you know history, a society so extremely individualistic as modern western societies. We are liberal and individualistic to the extreme compared to most countries on earth,(including Muslim societies) and more liberal than most societies throughout history! Just about any kind of lifestyle has advocacy groups these days. It just about is "anything goes".

Individualism to the extreme and everyone trying to be "contrary" isn't any more healthy than the opposite; like a strict religious state like the clerics in Iran impose on people, an ideology that rules by strict religious rules and that makes all women clothe themselves in a long black dress and headscarf, and many other rules everyone is expected to obey.

Like I believe Brent said at one point on this website, the problem with western countries isn't the lack of individuality or "liberals", we have that everywhere. With us it is more the opposite. Everyone, not only in fashion, but in many ways, is individualistic often to an extreme.


I believe there has to be a balance between individual liberty and the common good. In regards to fashion you just have to use your common sense in any given situation and use your human brain to be able to discriminate and make distictions of what is acceptable and what isn't in any given situation.

THAT is what seperates humans from the other animals; our ability to judge, analysize, and at times use our discretion and to discriminate according to the circumstance.

Animals don't judge people by their fashion , humans do! That is one of our traits, along with compassion and many other traits of humans.
If someone smells bad or looks outrageous or is talking extremely loud and obnoxious, or whatever, we judge them and we discriminate. That is something humans have allways done and probably will allways do. It is part of our intelligence as humans.

You have to know that there are limits and you use your human intelligence in any given situation to try to figure it out. We do this in many ways, every day. It is parrt of our intelligence and the human condition.

Uzma, my dear Uzma:


Please!!!

I know I am not inwardly deprived or distorted because I sometimes have conformed to the greater society,.... including , I might add......., in the way I look. I would assume Maria hasn't lost much of her inner self either considering how opinionated and feisty she seems to be.......(Does that remind you of someone Uzma???)
Actually Uzma I can see your point of view it is not good to judge people by how they look too much. But I have to be honest with you Uzma, I judge people every day. The San Fransisco Bay area has many qualities that I truly love but there are many high crime areas here and I judge people who look like young punks or criminals. California is saturated with such characters and each year many, many, very many, people get their cars stolen , get robbed, sometimes much worse than that. We have got plenty of crime.
Very rarely is a middle aged "normal" looking guy like me the perpetrator of the crime. It is usually the ill-mannered, weird-looking or gangster looking punks in the 14 to 30 year old age group that are into crime........Am I generalizing?, of course, my life could depend on it! .... Could I be killed by a clean cut looking 40 year old, or even an old long-haired hippie dude??,..... Perhaps, but the odds are against it.

Not to mention the fact that I can't stand rap music and some of the other teenage racket. I don't stop my kids from listening to it, but they don't listen to it when I'm around, (and the good thing is they are not all that much into rap anyway, thank the Lord! )...they can listen to rubbish on their own time. .......They can also dress or wear their hair however they like when they grow up, move out and pay their own way. Until then:... their mother, myself, and their step-mom lay down the law.

You are quite the lady Uzma, in many, many ways I respect you and get a kick out of you, but I am just not as nice a person or as liberal as you are. I judge people every day.
The way I figure it, there are 6 billion people on earth, 7 million in the San Francisco Bay area. Most of them I will never know and never care to know or have time to know. Yeah I judge people.... I have time for some people, even intelligent people who disagree with me like you Uzma!,... but others I just don't have time for, and I don't feel the least bit inwardly or outwardly deprived!!! Not in the least!!!

Oh yeah, as far as reality being a mass hallucination, it often seems like it, doesn't it,..... until this reality hits you upside the head with a two by four!!!..... Like when you are victimized by a crime ...or have to listen to racket coming from your neighbor's stereo at 4 a.m......, or even when you lose a job or can't get a job because you won't conform to this terrible godawful system we have created! !!
Reality to me isn't a mass hallucination, it is simply everyone judging everyone else, taking stuff they know from their experience and their instincts into account. .......It really is nasty sometimes isn't it, kinda mean too. ....Ouch!!
Still I usually like most humans, even the conforming squares.....Am I a conforming square?? Good question.

Have a very good evening .

I'm amazed Uzma that a woman can't wear her hair long and be a professional, like a lawyer in Britian!

In America, at least every place I have been here, you see women professionals all of the time in business, science, law,etc. who have long hair, some of them with very long hair, and you see many women with short hair too, some like me, with quite short hair. Hair length on women doesn't seem to matter at all in the U.S., assuming the woman has clean hair.

I'm amazed that a woman can't wear long hair in the U.K., I never knew that. Are you sure that is true everywhere in Britian?

In America in fact many places of employment like long hair on women, there are many traditional people here that like it better than short hair on women, although short hair on women is pretty well accepted too.
With men it is a bit different. You do see long haired guys working in business, they usually tie their hair back in a ponytail, but most men in business wear their hair medium or short in length.
With blue collar guys, or guys who run their own business like the guy I'm with, they can wear their hair however they want pretty much.

What I think I was refering to was more of the "teenage punk" look or the "criminal" look.

America is pretty free however, regarding hair length.

In the professions women are expected to wear a dress or a nice pants suit, but that doesn't bother most professional women, they like to dress classy like that anyway it makes them feel sharp and professional. Guys usually wear a suit or a sports coat, some jobs require ties too but many don't nowadays. There are some rules about it, but it isn't bad, really there is quite a bit of flexibility and variety allowed.

As far as us not being free to be individuals, I can't speak for you but I do pretty much what I like in life. I watch the movies and T.V. shows I like, I listen to the music I like, I am marrying the guy I want to, even though he is a different ethnic group than me(he is of Northern European heritage, and you know I am of Mexican heritage), I wear my hair quite short ,(true I don't have green hair or shave my head but I have no desire to do that). I do pretty much what I want. I don't feel at all like society forces me to do anything unless I was to really get outrageous in my look or behaviour, which I don't feel like doing anyway.

And I believe Americans do have the lifestyles they want. Look at the gay/lesbian thing. Most people are hetrosexual in America and being a religious society most people aren't thrilled about homosexuality, but homosexuals work and pretty much live their lifestyle the way they want to, at least in the major cities. They even have political groups in both major political parties and have their own nightclubs, pubs, coffeeshops where mostly, but not exclusively, gays and lesbians go, and they are mostly employed and many of them are rich! Would that be possible in most non-western societies?
I'm not thrilled about the gay/lesbian thing, especially their political influence, but I accept it, I accept their right to do what they like. It is true they haven't been granted formal marriages but they do have " domestic partnership" rights in many states which is legally like a marriage, they can inherit wealth, share benefits,etc.. That is extremelly liberal! How many non-western countries would accept that? In most countries they still believe gays and lesbians should be boiled in oil or something.

That is just one example, there are many other examples of how America, Britian and the West are far more tolerant of individuality and different lifestyles and fashions than most countries.

Compare us in North America or Western Europe to East Europe, Latin America, the Middle East, Africa, many parts of Asia, we ARE MORE LIBERAL, obviously.

And it isn't just because of ethnic diversity and immigration either. A huge percentage of Latin Americans come from immigration. They have alot of ethnic diversity. They have Spanish, Portugese, Germans, Italians, Black Africans, various types of Native Indians, many mixed race people. They even have recent immigrants from East Europe and Japan and Korea. They are very diverse. But their culture is quite traditional, more than the U.S.. I have been to Mexico it is like the more conservative parts of the rural American Midwest or South in most parts of Latin America. Oh sure Mexico City and a few other big cities there have liberal neighborhoods, but generally Latin America is very conservative.

And as I understand it by talking with Arab and Asian immigrants, the Middle East and Asia are even more conservative than Latin America. The U.S. and West Europe is very liberal by comparison, even if there is some limits imposed on us.

I don't know about you Uzma but I pretty much do what I feel like doing, I feel very much like an individual and I think you can tell by my writings that I express how I feel on various subjects. I'm sorry you feel restricted in the U.K. but are you sure some of these restrictions you aren't putting on yourself? I have been told by people from the U.K. or Americans who have visited there, that they felt quite free there, that in many respects it was like being in the U.S..

I didn't realize you feel so restricted! No wonder you are fighting myself and Brent so hard on this board! I suppose you think we are somehow trying to restrict you too, in some way!

Well I assure you Uzma I DO NOT want to restrict you and I for sure won't tell you to cut your hair if you don't want to!

I am sorry if you feel like I am trying to restrict you, I am not!

God bless Uzma!

Uzma,

I understand what you are saying.

God bless Uzma!

Interesting points you make Jacqui!