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Debbie View Drop Down
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    Posted: August 21 2012 at 6:06pm
I have not been on in like a long time.  My Mom was sick and I was busy taking care of her.  She passed away in July, and I am having a hard time dealing with it.  I have got a question though.  I am trying to get through my Mom's death and my daughter and her husband are getting divorced.  How do I seperate the two and not get drugged into the divorce.  I am still trying to grieve.  (Mom will be gone 1 month tomorrow).  I told my daughter that I didn't want to hear anything about the two of them.  But when I think about it I get sick to my stomach. I have bouts of crying because I miss Mom so much.  I really could care less what my daughter and her husband (soon to be ex husband) as long as they take care of my Grandkids...that is all I am asking.  They are using them as pawns.  Any help would be appreciated!  Thanks so much!  Debbie
There is more to life than hair...Come on---Go get a life!!!!!!!
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Ericachristina View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ericachristina Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 22 2012 at 12:37am

Hi Debbie,

It is completely understandable that you do not have any more emotional energy left over to cope with your daughters marital issues right now. You are entitled to your time to grieve and to process the loss of your mother. Sometimes the only way to really accept a tragedy is to allow yourself the necessary time to grieve, cry, and just let out all your emotions. Take all the time you need and make sure you deal with your feelings.

Your daughter is a grown woman, she will be able to manage this and get through this on her own. It doesnt mean that you cant be there for her and discuss this with her later on down the line but right now she should understand that it isnt a good time.

It is good that you told her you did not want to get involved, just let her know right now you need time to heal yourself and you cannot handle any added stress. Its not right for her to use your grandkids as pawns but just know that they will be okay and that when you are ready you can always immense yourself in your family duties and responsibilities again.

Sometimes it is a good idea to just sit back, relax and have some alone time alone even if this means turning off your cell phone and cutting yourself off for a few hours a day to do something for yourself.

 

The loss of a loved one is difficult to cope with. 3 years ago I had never lost anyone close to me, and while I was finishing my exams for my psychology degree my uncle passed away, and my aunt was on her death bed. I studied in the hospital every day to be by her side and had to watch her wither away and finally pass on. Right after I graduated university a few months after the funeral I got married and while I was on my honeymoon my grandmother who I was very close to passed away. 3 deaths, final exams and a huge wedding and honeymoon that I had been planning for two years all happened in a matter of months." You don't realize how strong you can be until being strong is the only option you have" It was something I was unaccustomed to dealing with and with my granny I still have a hard time accepting it. As hard as this is to believe time does help heal the wound, you may not be able to hold the person in your arms but you can always cherish their memory and never let them die in your heart. Allow your faith whatever that may be to help you through it.  

 

Good luck.

 



Edited by Ericachristina - August 22 2012 at 12:42am
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Debbie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Debbie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 22 2012 at 3:18pm
Thank you so much Erica!  I am sorry for your losses also.  Today was a month since Mom died adnd while it has been hard, I am learning to let go and let my Daughter walk on her own.  Since I have been doing this, I have not been as stressed!!!  Which for me is such a good thing!  I try to take it one day a time but I have to sometimes break that day down to minutes, sometimes even into seconds.  I am a cryer, anyway.  Always have been.  So, the tears come easy.  Now they come more easy after losing my Best Friend!  Thank you for answering me.  God Bless you!
There is more to life than hair...Come on---Go get a life!!!!!!!
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Ericachristina View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ericachristina Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 22 2012 at 6:14pm

Hi Debbie,

You are very welcome. Im glad to hear you are getting by. Thank you for your condolences as well.

Cry as much as you need to, I know I did. Tears are the physical manifestation of grief and perfectly normal.

You hang in there.

 

Take care

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