Sudden rudeness

Hi Viktoria!
Some of the things you have said I total understand! Most of the time when I get a hair cut or high lights no one notices but my boyfriend! But he knows that I'm fanatical about my hair! And that I have gone to the hairdressers!
As for your friend, she sounds like that the problem is with her. When she wants to talk she will!

Hello there, Tropical and StyleGuy!

Thank you for your posts, you are very supportive and sweet, Tropical.

And StyleGuy, you are right about me being a bit sensitive and perhaps overreactive about my hair, but then, for some people, it seems to be a bit provocing with someone who doesn´t cut their hair. I think it has something to do with mainstream culture and undfullfilled childhood dreams. I have friends who will get very offended if I, for instance, don´t notice that they got their hair cut, or colored, or whatever. They will tell me. But noone ever gives me a compliment for a new hairstyle, or for achieving a certain length I have been wanting. Instead, mosttimes I talk about my hair, I get the "don´t brag"-look. And I shut up. Why do you think I come here? I need support from long haired people who understands me.

I have talked to my friend, and she says I´m oversensitive (basically: "I never said that."). But I have also heard that she´s been rude to other friends as well. So I guess she owns the problem. Still, it always hurts to see a friend leave, and create a lot of problems on the way. I guess noone hurts us like the people that knows us the best.

And thanks for the book tip, I´ll check it out.

Hello i would just like to say that i think a womans hair is pretty important to them woman its kinda like a symbol of creativity , all men and all woman are all different and unique in there special ways .

hello viktoria hopefully you like your hair the way it is and basically if thats you in the picture you look good and basically dont worry about what other woman think individuality counts more than anything and if we were all the same things would get pretty confusing pretty quick , hopefully you like my post

I agree! Some women are very intimidated by other, confident women, and their jealousy manifests itself as spite, insults, or subtly undermining behaviors.

Is your friend making gentle suggestions that seem earnest and helpful, or is she being a little cruel and hurting your feelings? Someone who genuinely wants to help will usually try to criticize in the most constructive way possible.

Victoria- I am sorry that you are going through this strange behavior with someone that is suppose to be a friend! Just give it some time and maybe she will calm down?
Also, Hi Uzma- welcome back!
Just my two cents worth.
I am hopeing this post is making sense. If not, I tried! Debbie

Hi Viktoria

I’m sorry that you are facing such a reaction. It is the height of rudeness for anyone to make disparaging comments on the appearance of another, and seeing as this is a close friend, it is adding hurt into the mix.
I have experienced an escalation of such comments as my hair gets longer, too. I put it down to fear and sometimes jealously. I feel that long hair adds an element of beauty to a person, and as it gets to a length where it cannot be ignored, or is worn in a way that displays the length, the owner may become subject to criticism. That happens for a variety of reasons…conformism, gender issues, anti-beauty feminism, ageism, etc.

I’m glad you are confident about yourself and your appearance. Please do not let your friend knock you down. I suggest you gently, yet firmly, confront her and ask her why she is so concerned about your appearance. You might tell her that you are very happy with the way you look and find it odd that others are not comfortable with that. If she persists, perhaps you can ask her what she gains by her criticisms except putting the friendship under strain?
I’ve done this many a time. It’s painful, but it resolved matters, eventually. They shut up!

Best of luck…and hugs,

Uzi